Come On September!

You might want to go ahead and consider today Hockey Eve. August 31st, regardless of what science or traditional American holidays will tell you, marks the end of the summer, which in turn marks the beginning of the the actual hockey season.

Congratulations - you made it.

Just thinking back over the past three months is enough to give me a muss in my pants. At least the Flyers were fairly active in the free agent market and on the trading block. But still, after having to watch the Penguins win the Stanley Cup I feel like this summer's been a 20 year prison sentence. And I'm about ready to go all Andy Dufrane on this piece.

The weddings are almost over, the days at the beach are numbered, and the Flyers better be off the beer and the Simon Gagne fitness routine because in less than 2 weeks their training camp officially opens. Hell, all during next week we have future Flyer hopefuls reporting to Rookie Camp with an actual game against the Caps Rookies at the end of the week. Peter Forsberg (who I'm still trying to hate since he came back to the Avs instead of the Flyers) is playing pre-season hockey in Switzerland. Stefan Ruzika got jumped by Danny Markov in the KHL just a few days ago. Flyers draft pick David Labrecque has already picked up his first point in pre-season QMJHL play....it's time to start getting excited!

And the Flyers aren't the only thing to get excited about today. September might be the greatest month of the year that doesn't have a "real" holiday in it. First of all we have a 4.5 day work week this week and only 4 next. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia premieres it's 5th season mid-month. The Phillies are coming down the stretch and the Eagles are about to kick off. The sweaters might need to be moved to some more accessible shelving and the air conditioner is seeing its final days of action. Our teacher friends who laughed at us all summer have to return to school and face a whole new group of terrible little monsters. What's not to be excited about?

What I might be most excited about, however, is Flyers related. And it's the fact that on Saturday September 26th, only two days after the Flyers play the Devils at home in preseason action, they're coming to Newark for what I can only hope will be a last ditch effort for some young players to show just how much they want to make the team, mixed with some bad blood based simply on the fact that they're playing two games in a row. And I'm going to be there, waiting for something like this:

NHL 10 Has People Creamin'

I've seen the trailers, I've read the reviews, and I've heard from Fran that I have a new reason my hilarious book titled "Atention to Detail" isn't going to get published. And that reason is the 7 hour nights I have ahead of me playing as the Philadelphia Flyers. But one of the trailers that I've seen has me irked, and it's the one with this screen shot:


There is nothing that gets my goat to poop more than inaccurate rosters. Actually there is, and that's when a player's style isn't right. Especially when they have their shin pad - sock - skate combination wrong. But the other thing that pisses me off is when the rosters are inaccurate. If I open up that game on Christmas morning, jam it into my XBox and see Joffrey Lupul and Andrew Alberts on the Flyers roster I'm going to chop my own head off.

EA pays so much attention to detail in so many aspects of the game, but if you saw Randy Jones fight as many times as I did in your copy of NHL '09 you know there's always going to be room for improvement.

So in short, this is going to be the best video game of all time after Top Gun for Nintendo even though I never got past the first level. And in other short, they better provide daily roster updates and make sure that everyone is wearing the correct numbers or be prepared to install a toilet in my living room for the amount of angry shitting I'll be doing.

Oh yeah, I also love this very realistic Jeff Carter celebration:

Here's the full Tough Guy Trailer featuring the Flyers Daniel Carcillo getting KO'd by that caveman Zach Stortini:

Olympic Hotbeds

This is a map of where all the invites from both the US and Canadian Olympic Orientation Camps are from. It took me so long to put together that now I really have nothing to say about it except that it documents what I already knew to be true - the best hockey in the US is Cherry Hill, NJ.

I wonder if you looked at this same table in 2010, 2014, and even as far as 2030 all those little flags would have dispersed themselves all over the map of North America. If the Map of the 1980 U.S. Hockey team's hometowns is any indication then I'd have to assume it would:

Rookie Camp Unknowns

Earlier today the Flyers announced the rosters for their upcoming "Who will replace Simon Gagne Camp" and there were a couple guys in there even the biggest Flyers fan hasn't heard of. Here's who they are and why they've been invited:

Tomas Sinisalo - Much like Chase Watson last year, Sinisalo has been invited as a favor to his alliteration loving famous former Flyer father Ilkka who actually still works in the organization as a scout. After giving it a go in North America Tomas fled to the FNL, where after a really rocky start he put up some ok numbers with TPS Turku over the past two seasons. Tomas is 23, 5'11, 180 lbs, and was briefly a member of the band Rancid.

Mike Thomas - MT is a big, rugged winger from New Brunswick who finished up his third season for the Saint John's Sea Dogs of the QMJHL this past year and is headed back for a 4th and overage season this fall. He's put up a few points here and there but I get the idea that he's being invited to camp mainly because of this (Thomas in white):



Tyler Hostetter - A promising 18 year old defenseman for the Erie Otters of the OHL, Hostetter is a local kid from Lititz, PA. Hostetter, or as I call him Hostetter, played his local hockey for the Junior Flyers and Warwick High School before heading north of the border to truly test his skills against the best of the best of the best. Maybe he's just being invited to pay back Zac Rinaldo for doing this to him last year?



Brennan Yadlowski - A recently turned 18 year old defenseman who was passed over in the draft despite being ranked the 70th North American skater must have caught the eye of WHL scouting wizard Mark Greig during his 17 point campaign with Luca Sbisa and the Lethbridge Hurricanes this past year. He has some size, some edge, and is a pretty ugly dude. Here's why he'll never make it, from the Hurricanes website a list of his favorites:

NHL Team: Edmonton Oilers
NHL Player: Mike Green
Goal Celebration: "Arms in the air or fist pump, pretending like I do it all the time"
Movie: Anchorman
TV Show: Entourage
Activity away from the rink: Shopping or my cabin
Pump-up song: "Spit Your Game" by Notorious B.I.G.
Website: Facebook.com
Home cooked meal: Ukrainian dishes
.

Next.

.
The prospect game against the real Washington Caps, which is being held on Friday the 11th at 3PM, will probably be televised some website so make sure to check it out if seeing Rabbit score 5 goals in one game is something you're interested in.

A Glimpse

So Simon's injury, whatever it may be, has got me thinking. I've previously only looked at this season as an 82-0, four 50 goal scorer, 300 fight waltz to the Stanley Cup. But now I'm wondering, and when I wonder I worry. And while I was worrying whether or not Gags would be ready to start the season I thought "what if Danny Briere got hurt?" And "what if they can't find any pucks to play the season?" How bad could it get...how bad could you take it. If you were headed down to a game in November and this was the starting lineup you were going to see, could you handle it?

Hartnell - Richards - Powe
Asham - Giroux - Laperriere
Carcillo - Ross - van Riemsdyk
Cote - Ward - Pyorala

Pronger - Coburn
Jones - Tollefsen
Marshall - Syvret

Boucher

Yeah, what if Gagne's injury turns out to be a missing leg? And Jeff Carter goes down on day two at Canadian Summer Camp? And Danny Briere pulls a Danny Briere? And Ryan Parent, Matt Carle, and Kimmo all run into each other at practice? And Emery, well, goes all Emery?

We are only one more probable injury and one more Jeff Carter injury from having an offensive lineup that looks like the Rangers and 3 defensive injuries from looking like the Mets.

How the hell did NHLers make it from season to season in the 60's, 70's, and 80's with out numerous surgeries and bionic body parts inserted. You think Gordie Howe ever had a groin injury? I bet he did - his groin probably got crushed by having too many ladies on it at once. And then he went out and scored a hat trick. All for 10k a season.

Simon Gagne Calls Parents, Goes Home

After only one night at Team Canada's Olympic Summer Camp Simon Gagne was using the camp's only pay phone to call his parents and ask them to come pick him up. He had originally approached counselor Mike Babcock saying that he thought he'd strained his groin and might need to leave camp, but later admitted to the nurse that he was suffering from a pretty serious case of homesickness. The nurse reported that the night before a camper (who will go unnamed except to say that it was probably Dion Phaneuf) was telling sexual ghost stories where ghosts and guys with hooks on their hands not only haunt their victims but feel up slutty girls and cause premature ejaculations until 2 in the morning. Point of clarification: he was telling those stories until 2AM, people were not ejaculating until 2AM. The same camper was handing out wedgies and calling people "virgins" just before the campers first on ice session yesterday morning.

In more (not all, puh-lease) seriousness, this better not be a significant injury. Even though it seems like every groin injury is season-ending these days just keep in mind Mike Richards' 3-4 week groin injury during March of 2008 when you're praying to Gary Betman for a speedy recovery. And you have to love how Gagne openly admits that he was not ready for this camp in a couple quotes he gave the AP:

"I thought it was going to be an easy practice, but the tempo was very fast right away during the very first drill. Guys were obviously trying to show their best. I had been skating back home for about two weeks but not at that high level. I kind of felt that it was getting a little bit tight on me, close to the hip and groin," he said.

Way to be Simon. You should open up your own pre-preseason training camp to help guys like me get in shape for this coming season. We can sit around doing nothing until the puck drops on October 2nd. You've got 5 and 1/2 weeks to get ready before you ruin my dream season you French-Canadian punk!

Rumor: Pronger Pushes Someone at Canada Camp

Rumor confirmed.

.

Isn't it weird that two months ago this picture would have elicited no response from you, because let's face it, who cares if some big goony Canadian from the Western Conference is tossing Ryan Smyth (200 lbs) around at the Team Canada Summer Olympic Camp. But now you're all like "that's what I'm talking about!" The joys of professional sports.

.

I managed to catch glimpses of some other pictures that led me to believe that Jerome Iginla and Sidney Crosby might be bunking together...in the same bed (hey yo!). But they're not suitable for this site.

Also, if you were worried about Jeff Carter making friends while he's away at camp, fear not. On only the first day Carter seemed to be enjoying the company of 19 year old Los Angeles Kings defenseman Drew Doughty on the bench. Rumor had it they were talking about pigeon tits, but Carter did not immediately return phone calls. Neither did his parents. Or yours. Actually no on returned any of my phone calls. Did I do something wrong?

Oh(oly shit) Canada!

I just glanced, and I really mean glanced because I was so terrified, at some of the 46 names that were invited to the Canadian Olympic Team Summer Camp, and I shit. Literally shit in my pants. And I originally set out to name the 22 guys who aren't going to make the final cut, and then wonder openly if even that second squad could beat the U.S., but I literally couldn't do it. I don't even know who you would drop to tell you the truth. I mean there are a couple obvious ones like Cleary and Lucic, but besides that I wouldn't even know where to start.

And I'm not allowed to feel that way either, you know, with us being a part-time lover of USA Hockey. Think of it this way, at least one of Mike Richards, Jeff Carter, or Simon Gagne isn't going to make this team. I'd have to say Richards is going to be the odd man out, and if we can get him married to a local Philly girl as soon as possible he'd be good enough to center Team USA's second line.

I'm going to put hyphens in here so it's not impossible, but read this as one word: Thornton-Lecavlier-Iginla-Nash-Heatley-Crosby-Gagne-St.Louis-Gezlaf-Carter-Doan-Toews.

I'm hyperventilating. Team Canada should scratch the retro Canadian jerseys and just go with the Wales Conference sweaters from the 1993 All-Star Game in anticipation of scoring 16 goals per game. And all the jerseys should say Gartner on the back because every forward will probably have 4 goals and an assist per game. And that's just how you do math when you're panicked, my friend. The only difference is that the opposition isn't going to get their 6 goals because they have to go up against Pronger-Phanuef-Boyle-Bouwmeester-Neidermayer-Weber and Luongo-Broduer.

Somewhere right now Tim Thomas and Ryan Miller are flipping cheeseburgers to see who's not going to get the starting goaltending job for the USA.

(Ed note: we'll be cheering for the US as hard as you've never seen come February, but come on, this is on par with the '87 Canada Cup team. And this is the year we're sending nothing but our young guns and Mike Modano as a chaperon?)

Homer Pulls Up Short

I didn't really have a chance to comment on this story last week as I was so busy taking drugs, but the Todd Bertuzzi signing did piss me off, and actually did make me do more drugs. Next March when Bertuzzi hits the 40 point mark I'm shutting the blog down and taking over as GM of the Flyers. How did he go from 3 Eastern Conference and American teams to the Red Wings? I'd love to hear the real story about how involved the Flyers and Pens were in trying to sign Bertuzzi. Then I'd love to hear why Paul Holmgren couldn't get this deal done for $1.5M. Too bad it wasn't last year, Bertuzzi could have been signed for $4M right after the ink dried on Glen Metropolit and Ossi Vaananen's contracts.

And don't you think for a second that I'm not going to be keeping everyone up to date on Big Bert's stats all season long. That is unless he gets injured and totally ruins my plan. But then I'll say how he wouldn't have been in the same situation if he were playing for the Flyers so he never would've gotten hurt in the first place. And then all you haters will shut your traps. When Bertuzzi scores his 20th goal I don't want to hear any of this "well he's playing with Zetterberg and Datsyuk" shit because we have world class players too.

Just when you think we're going for it, like really going for it this very year, Homer pulls up 5% short. Like the guy who Pottery Barn's the hell out of his new living room and tries to sneak an IKEA coffee table in there just because it was such a good deal. Just doesn't cut it.

That's Mrs. Herneisen To You

The entire staff is en route to an ECHL wedding weekend in the Bahamas, so we're not going to be able to provide you with any sexually-charged, usually inaccurate Flyers news over the weekend. I know how panic attacks go and I didn't want any of you to freak out when you went to the last resort in your recent history and realized that it hadn’t been updated.

So as you hear news on Hurricane Bill approaching the Carolina's, and are thinking how great it would be if it destroyed them so that the Flyers got to win their first game of the season by forfeit, just know that we're down there trying to be all inclusive at a resort. So maybe let’s let this one pass without harming anything down in the island/Carolina region. But as soon as we get back to the mainland here’s hoping that Hurricane Rupal tears the RBC Center to shreds.

What? Too soon?

Knuble Does Not Get Camping Badge

I'd be the 15th one to admit that for too long USA Hockey has put too old of a team on the ice. Of the forwards for the 2006 Olympic team that went to Torino not a single one was born after 1979. Granted that was 4 years ago and '79 was only 27 back then, but the forwards also consisted of Doug Weight, Keith Tkachuk, Brian Rolston, and Bill Guerin. Not very exciting stuff right there. I mean, yes, very exciting in the 1996 World Championships of Hockey, but not really the case anymore in 2006.

USA Hockey seems to really have taken recent criticism to heart. Excluding the Modano factor, the possibly oldest forward on this year's squad might end up having been the youngest on the 2006 team - that's one hell of a shift in thinking. When you look at the roster that was invited to camp the names just excite you - Kane, Brown, Parise, Statsny, Ryan, Kessel. These guys are the young guns of the NHL. But I have to wonder, if the answer to 99 out of 100 questions actually is "money," why Mike Knuble wasn't at least invited to the orientation camp only to be cut at a later date.

The ex-Flyer front of the net book end paper weight just signed a 2 year deal with the Caps worth $2.8M a year - time will tell if it's deserved. If you remove any of the forwards who have a rookie contract from the Orientation Roster that $2.8M is only $1M below the average of the remaining 15 guys at the camp. If you also take out the 5 contracts that are over $6M (avg. over the next 2 years) that $2.8M is the average of the 10 remaining forwards who were oriented this week. I understand there are a thousand variables involved in an NHL contract like stage of career and Salary Caps issues, but if Mike Knuble is valued dollar-wise in the "business of the NHL" as much as most of the guys invited to camp, wouldn't you think he'd be there? Not to mention he's played in the Olympics before and for a number of World Championship Teams.

When you look even closer it's a little more surprising. Yeah, I get it, Knuble's old. But is he so old that inviting Ryan Callahan (40 points) and Dustin Byfuglien (31 points) is the smarter move? Knuble's slow but he's averaged 30 goals a year for like 60 years in a row. He had 47 points last season. Those two have absolutely no chance of making the team. What gives? Is this just a case of the USA staff letting these two youngsters know that they're "watching" them? Don't they know that already?

All these young names sound great and flashy (except for the 2 previously burned!). I can't wait to see guys like Pavelski, Booth, and Kessler out there this winter. And I don't think, in the end, that a guy like Knuble should be headed to Vancouver. But I do think he should have been given a chance, especially in lieu of two bums like Callahan and Byfuglien.

The U.S. will have exactly 1 of the top 37 scoring forwards from last year's NHL season on their final roster in February. They're up against it. I understand wanting to go young, but there's something to be said for fairness and transition. Especially from a group of coaches and GM's that will be very quick to tell you how important experience is come the trading deadline. They might have to get Mike Modano a stool and a guitar set up between periods so he can impart all of his experience to the young squad in a format where there's enough to go around for everyone.

Hockey History - Brooklyn Americans

Whenever I'm watching a nationally televised baseball game they, without a doubt, compare some stat from someone in the game against a similar stat from someone who killed Japs in World War II. Without fail when you're watching the Yankees and Red Sox (again) on FOX this Saturday afternoon they will put Honus Wagner's and Robinson Cano's pictures side by side and under them it will say "Stolen bases before turning 27 years old", 210 and 208 respectively, and "Japs killed before turning 27 years old", 210 and 1 respectively. Just because baseball has traditionally been a sport obsessed with its own history and statistics in general doesn't mean that it's the only sport that has a rich history and a ton of stats. And that's why I'm going to tell you the story of one of The War's, and hockey's, unsung heroes. A story that has gone untold for too long.

The first thing you have to understand is that before there were The Original Six there were actually seven. Number seven being a rag-tag group of young Canadians that most resembled the Rockford Peaches of the Grammy winning movie A League of Their Own. For one season, actually, the Americans were New York's only team. But after seeing the success that the NHL had garnered at the box office in New York the Rangers joined the league in 1926. This expansion, along with a guy you might know named Adolf Hitler, eventually would lead to the end of the franchise in 1942.

The Americans were fledgling for 15 years. Having been New York's only team after moving down from Hamilton they were then bamboozled into playing in the NHL's Canadian Division when the Rangers joined the league. And then watching those Rangers win a Stanley Cup 2 years later, to an attempted and failed move out of Manhattan to Brooklyn. I mean, someone should really write more than the Wikipedia article that I'm stealing all this from about the team. A book perhaps. Anyway, in 1939 Canada entered World War II. You can imagine how that would affect the NHL, especially back then when the league was 95% Canadian. One of the Americans stand out players during the season before had been a rookie defenseman from Cranberry, Manitoba named Rollin O'Connor. At only 18 O'Connor had been called up from the Manitoba Junior Hockey League due to an injury incurred by one of the Americans best defensemen. Rollin shocked everyone.

In only 7 games with the Americans that season Rollin had 15 goals and 22 assists, earning himself the nickname Rollin "Rockin' Robbin" O'Connor. The lumbering defenseman from no where Canada propelled the Americans into the playoffs for only the 4th time in 14 seasons. But that fall it was off to Germany for many a young Canadian, including Rockin' Robbin.

I won't go on too much about his time in the war, except to say that they had to make a medal specifically for him that had all the other Canadian war medals melted into one giant medal that was the size of a discus. Posing as a German soldier behind enemy lines, O'Connor undermined the Germans from the inside out. Among other methods of psychological warfare he introduced them to techno music and pornography. He is said to have been the key influence in The Battle of Stalingrad, the turning point of the war. It's rumored that O'Connor got Generalfeldmarschall (Field Marshall) Freidric Paulus so high on space cakes for the entire month of January 1943 that he totally forgot what he was doing and got his entire 6th Army captured and destroyed by the Russians in February. After he considered his job to be done on the Eastern front Rockin' Robbin walked, he walked, to the Land of the Rising Sun. After stopping in China for a 4 month period to load up on General Tso Chicken, and to meet the General himself, he took a plane to Hiroshima in early August. While the bomb that was dropped in Nagasaki actually was atomic and "successful," the one that the US dropped in Hiroshima was a dud - they forgot to charge it. Luckily O'Connor had anticipated this after seeing so many Americans leave their cell phone chargers all over Europe that he was there to cover for the US.

On Monday, August 6th, 1945 Rollin "Rockin' Robbin" O'Connor woke up in Hiroshima and let an atomic General Tso powered fart go that was so powerful that it would end up killing over 140k Japs. Once again, Rockin' Robbin was a hero.

Upon his return to the NHL in the fall of 1945 with the Rangers (now that Brooklyn had folded) O'Connor was not the same. He would often be found on the opposing team's bench pretending to be one of them or eating bowls full of General Tso in a bathroom stall between periods. It was clear that, like so many other young men who returned back to reality after The War, the man who came back was not the same boy who had gone. After only 32 games played in the 1945-46 season Rockin' Robbin was released from the Rangers on a bus trip to Toronto. The next time the bus stopped to get gas was the last time O'Connor was seen.

This story, all of it true, is a story that you're not going to see on Versus this season. You might not even be able to find it on the internet. But the point is this: If Victor Hedman comes out of the gates with 10 or 12 points in his first 7 games with the Lightning this year I wouldn't mind seeing a graphic that puts a picture of Hedman next to an old black and white one of O'Connor and shows their stats next to each other. For a brief stretch in the spring of 1939 it looked like Rollin O'Connor was going to change the game of hockey forever. Instead he changed the world. He at least deserves a graphic.

Who the Hell is Rick Kozak?

(wasted draft pick Rick Kozak lugs the mail as Wiener Stevenson of the Colorado Eagles chases him up the ice, in a game in the CHL last season, at night, maybe on the weekend, but also maybe not.)

He’s the Flyers 3rd round pick from 2003, you asshole. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I did not mean that. I just need to get some coffee and I’ll be fine.

If you’ve been reading here for a while, and I know you have for at least 5 seconds unless you just jumped right to this paragraph, in which case I’d have to ask you to leave because I don’t encourage that type of behavior here, then you know I’m slightly obsessed with Flyers draft picks of the past. Especially in the month of August I like the idea of not having to wait. The Flyers have like 30 prospects right now and I don’t know what’s going to happen with any of them. That’s boring. But if I just drop back five years and check out the 2003 draft it’s like looking into the future…from the past. Get it?

So in 2003 the Flyers took Jeff Carter and Mike Richards in the 1st round and the drafted ended. Oh, see! I got you! The draft did not end even though those are the only two guys anyone ever talks about from that draft. You should have seen your face! As a matter of fact, the Flyers had more 9 picks before the end of the 6th round that year. Some you know, like Alexandre Picard, Stefan Ruzicka, and Ryan Potulny, and some you do not know like Rick Kozak.

The Flyers have always liked size and this 6’3 210 pounder from Manitoba was apparently too much to pass up for Bobby Clarke when the 95th pick of the draft came around. Kozak was coming off his first partial season of Major Junior where he picked up 15 points in 38 games with the Brandon Wheat Kings of the WHL. He had also dropped his pants, excuse me, gloves, yes gloves, a couple of times that season which the Flyers have also like, in case you did not know. He put up 11 points in Brandon’s 16 game playoff run that spring just before that draft and the Flyers reacted exactly the same way they did to Kyle Wellwood's impressive playoffs with the Memorial Cup winning Windsor Spitfire's this past spring.

From Hockey’s Future’s draft review that June:

Rick Kozak, one of the younger members of the 2003 draft class, got better and better as the season went along. Pointless and bad penalty prone in his first four games for Brandon after coming over from Prince George, he improved steadily thereafter and his solid playoff performance raised hopes that the aggressive rookie has only begun to tap his abilities. A relatively obscure player coming out Swan Valley in Manitoba Junior Hockey League, Kozak earned his keep in his first WHL season by throwing his weight around and going to the net; which earned him powerplay time for the Wheat Kings.

I’m not going to make you hold your breath for this one. Long story short, swing and a miss. Kozak was traded from Brandon to Kamloops after a really disappointing first half of the season and then his rights were sent to the Rangers for Vladimir Malakhov in March. Little did he know it then but that day, March 8th, was probably the highlight of his life. “Did you know I was once traded for Vladimir Malakhov? Gimme a Schlitz.”

After graduating from Major Junior Kozak split time between the ECHL and the CHL, and somehow managed to squeeze an AHL assist in there during one of his five games at the highest level of minor pro. Stories of problems with coaches, undisciplined play, and general douchebagary followed him everywhere he went. In 2008 he signed a contract to play in England and was “mutually released” from it after both receiving a 10 game suspension in the team’s first game of the season and then going on to cause the coach “difficulties” off-ice while serving out that suspension. He came back to the U.S. to have a decent season for the Laredo Bucks of the CHL, but it’s safe to say his time has run out – which is a strange thing to say about a 24 year old in general. Looks like he’ll be suiting up for the Tulsa Oilers this season and then another team the year after, and another the year after that until he finally decides to put an end to it or grows up and heads back to Europe where he can make some decent money.

Chalk this one up as just another example of what a crap shoot drafting 18 year olds is. There are guys from that draft that were picked before Kozak and never made it. There are guys who were picked after and might be all-stars some day – sometimes you get the Kozak and sometimes the Kozak gets you, as the saying goes.

(poke check and triple minor for roughing to the F Block Blog for giving me some color around that internet hockey database line with no stats on Rick Kozak’s profile page.)

Hatcher and Pronger, Once the Future

From time to time I like to take a stroll around the Sports Illustrated Vault on SI.com. It can be funny to look back with 15 years of perspective on some articles that are written about a then young, now old, NHL super stud. And just like last time we strolled down memory vault, I'm talking about Chris Pronger.

I came across this article today from 1996 that was pretty much just trying to highlight the fact that there were some pretty talented defensemen entering the league. What piqued my interest the wasn't the opening commentary on a 20 year old Ed Jovanaski going toe-to-toe with Eric Lindros in the playoffs, and surprisingly wasn't even the praise of a young and poised Chris Pronger. It was the third young defenseman they profiled, a guy named Derian Hatcher, that really made me do a double take.

First of all I had no idea that Hatcher was ever young, I pretty much though he had been 36 his whole life. And secondly, for 3 year's I've considered Derian Hatcher to be more or less a fossil. I know Flyers fans loved him and I thought he was alright too, but he's been so old and so immobile for so long that it shocked me to see him and a guy we just signed for 7 years in the same old dusty article in Sports Illustrated. Granted, the article's author, the venerable Michael Farber, is profiling a 21 year old Pronger and a 24 year old Hatcher, but it just kind of makes me wonder how one of them is claiming to be in the prime of his career and the other can hardly walk.

This is kind of a sidebar, but what also surprised me is this sentence fragment - "If Jovanovski, Pronger and Hatcher are the next two-way defensive stars...." I mean, it's just a little funny,right? That someone would ever write that sentence about Derian Hatcher?

Anyway, Hatch's older brother, Kevin, played until he was 35, which is about as long as a guy played back then. D Hatch made it to his 36th birthday, just about, but could hardly move when all was said and done and now has a Tiger Woods 2000 knee in his leg. It'll be interesting to see what happens with this long Prongtract. It's gotta make you wonder, no matter what he says, when a kid who played a very similar style to him and was tagged with him as an up-an-coming defensive force back in 1996 is spending his days rehabbing for golf and Pronger's preparing for 7 more seasons.

Upshall Says Goodbye

When Scottie Upshall got traded to the Coyotes this past Spring everyone got a little emotional. Most of all Scottie. When he choked up during that interview I almost felt human for a second. The whole thing was so cute. In the end Scottie was in Philly for almost exactly two full years. The sad thing is that all I really remember him doing is hooking some dude on Toronto during a 4 goal comeback by the Leafs and losing a fight to Tyler Kennedy in the 2008 playoffs. Maybe that is more a reflection of me than him.

Anyway, when Scottie left Philly he had trouble bottling up his feelings in front of the camera, so I can’t even imagine what he was like with no bright lights around. In the dream world I live in he didn’t get to say goodbye to Joffrey Lupul. He wanted to, but he had to head up to Boston to go play the Bruins again and just didn’t manage to bump into him. So he probably texted him I’m thinking. Something a little to long at that. And this is what I’m thinking it looked look, or would’ve, had it been written in the Spring of 1861.

(feel free to burn the bottom edge of your computer screen to make this look like an old letter)

Dearest Joffrey,

Mother assured me that she would pass my wishes of good will and regret unto you whence you returned from the woods, but I would like to express myself on this parchment. Have you seen these new musket pens? They’re rather impractical to write with but quite fashionable down here in the South. Anyway, leaving you has brought me a great deal of sadness, my brother. But I must go fight for the opposition because Paul Holmgren has traded me. And although our teams compete for the same goal, a goal which only one of us can achieve, I want you to know that I am right there with you in spirit. For my true allegiance lies in the North, and even more truthfully, with you. I hope that one day we can sit side by side and recount the days of yore over iced cubed lemonades. I think of you day and night. And I pray for your ability to score 25 goals without even trying.

Yours in the warmest,
Scottie Upshall

ps – also, here is a tip – do not march straight at the bullets. That is just a ridiculous way to battle. If they make you get in the front of that line and start marching at a bunch of guys with guns pointed at you just say “oops! I have to tie my shoe!” when they’re about to shoot because they’ll shoot you right in the neck if they get the chance. And you’ll know when they’re going to shoot because they make this whole big production out of it. Anyone who calls you a pussy better do it quick because they’ll be dead in like ten seconds, so you don’t have to worry about that.

Calling Ray Emery Fans

One of you rabid Flyers fans has to jump on this one. For only $85 (after shipping) you can be walking around the corridors of the Wach with a jersey on that makes people go "what the hell is that?" But you'll know that it's Ray Emery's jersey from Atlant Mytishchi from last season, as will a few select dire hard fans.

The anonymity is what makes it great. That and there's a big bad ass bear on the front. If this Emery deal starts to pan out you can proudly tell some random babe that you're Ray Emery's agent and he made you live with him in bunk beds in Russia last year, and that you have to wear his game worn (which this is not) jersey so he can easily find you in the crowd when play is down in the offensive zone. You're basically his xanax and he loves when his xanax gets laid in the parking lot between the 2nd and 3rd periods.

Or conversely, if Emery hasn't even shown up for the game and we've just traded Daniel Carcillo and our first round pick from 2023 to the Islanders for Marty Biron, you can just say that your buddies made you wear it because last night you set a new beer league record with 40 goals in one period. And they're not going to let you take it off until you get laid between the 2nd and 3rd periods. For that one you might want to mention that you washed it since last night and tonight. Washed it in million dollar bills, because that's probably the only way it's going to work.

It's Official - Kimmo Likes Mika!

Like likes likes? I can't say.

Unfortunately I am not talking about Flyers blue liner Kimmo Timonen and the most gifted vocalist in the history of the world, just Mika. I'm talking about Mika Pyorala, one of the Flyers latest shots in the dark. From NHL.com:

"Being a veteran player here, I must admit that I'm not that familiar with some of the younger guys here," said Kimmo Timonen, the Philadelphia Flyers' 34-year-old defenseman.

"For example, I had never met Mika Pyorala, who just signed with the Flyers," he added with a smile.

With a smile? Oh baby! I like the sound of that.

Just like the US and Canada are going to do later this month Finland kicked off it's Olympic Orientation camp ( somewhere in the distance Bill Meltzer repeatedly ejaculates) earlier this week in hopes of having as many players that were invited attend before they head off to different continents. I can't find a complete invite list but I have it on good authority that Lasse Kukkonen and Ossi Vaananen were both present as well. No word on Sami.

Except to say that the club he retired from the NHL for and is part owner of, the Kalpa River Boys if Google Translator is telling me the truth, is in between periods of their first game of some preseason exhibition tournament, and even though Sami is listed on the roster on the team's website he's not in the lineup tonight. Maybe they're just resting him? Bill?

Job Opportunity - Linesman - New York City

I think a lot of people think New Yorkers are elitists. A lot of them are. But I am not, and still don't even consider myself a New Yorker, even after more than 5 years in this freaking city. Well, I shouldn't say "freaking." It really is a wonderful place. It really can be, I mean. Looking out of my window over Central Park, which is partially obstructed by 30 Rockefeller Center (30 Rock to you, now), reminds me of how great it can be. So when I get into this, and believe me I'm about to, don't think that I'm saying my commute is any worse than the T, the drive into work, or the bus just because New York is some grand, big city. We're all going someplace we'd rather not be, no matter how we're getting there, which is bound to make it horrible. It's just I can't picture it any worse.

The New York City subway is...an experience. I'm sure public transportation all over the country is jammed up between 7 and 9 every weekday morning. But only one of them is stuffed full of New Yorkers. And the elitist ones don't take the subway from where I'm coming, the obnoxious ones do. The amount of small Indian men that have had there faces buried into my chest because of unaware, oafy white dudes who just merge them out of the way. The number of giant purses that have been dug inches up my ass crack with out a simple "excuse me." The minutes I've spent nose to nose, literally, with every race, creed, and gender, breathing in their breath. Their nasty cereal morning breath. Sometimes it's almost too much to take. But crowds are crowds, and you just have to deal with that aspect. There is no "too many men" on a subway. But when these other situations arise from ignorance or flagrant behavior, something needs to be done.

So I gave my two weeks notice and will be reffing the first car of the 4 train that stops at Atlantic Avenue at 7:05 every morning beginning in September. I know it's a drastic measure, but I think it's my life's purpose. I'm talking real refereeing. Helmet, zebra stripes, whistle - everything except the skates, because I need to be mobile. And the thing is I can call all the penalties I want, but no one's going to take them seriously unless I have a pair of linesmen enforcing my calls. That's where you come in. I need two guys (being male is preferred but not a requirement) who are ready to take on the most hostile bunch of morning commuters you have never seen in your life. And I know we're up against it. I know that. We'll be in one car of the 12 that are on that train alone, of the thousand that take people to work in the morning. But you do have to start somewhere. You really do.

Here are some of the penalties you'll be asked to enforce:

Roughing - Believe it or not I see this almost every day. The subway has different penalty guidelines, and on the morning commute roughing is a game misconduct. When you hear my whistle and I call out "Crazy little Korean lady in pink sweatshirt - roughing" you'll have to escort her to the door and kick her off at the next stop.

Slashing - People should be warned over some penalties and not necessarily kicked right off. Slashing is a good example. People, all over the world, need to understand that when you're carrying something and you move, it moves. So when you spin to stand in the position that best suits you and nail someone else with your knock off Gucci bag our linesmen are going to have a little talk with you. You'll be warned, next step you're in the box, between two cars.

Unnecessary touching - Sometimes you are forced into having your whole entire body pressed against someone - it can be decent or it can lead you into the fountain in Bryant Park to scrub down. Unnecessary touching, of any sort, will lead to 2 minutes in the box.

Eye Contact - this one will have to be at my discretion, but looking at someone for a prolonged amount of time will land you in between the cars for 5 minutes. Yeah, that's a major because it's creepy.

Leaning up against a pole with your whole body when people are falling into each other all over the place because they have nothing to grab onto but each other - Game Misconduct. You're outta here at the next stop. It's apparent you are just clueless and should probably just walk to work, seeing as you think it's fun to watch all the holding penalties you're causing.

Reading something someone else is holding - warning, then 2 minutes in the box.

Farting - Do I really need to get into this one? 5 day suspension.

Getting in the car before you let people get off - Don't even try it. There are three doors and I've got them all covered. If I catch you sneaking in for that open seat, because you can't wait to get your full day of sitting started, you're going right back out with a game misconduct.

Talking loudly about religion to no one/everyone - Life time ban from the league. It's underhanded and it's sneaky. I know you're crazy, but if you're so crazy how'd you figure out a please where you can talk about Jesus's rebounding ability with an audience that is trapped listening to you? Think you're clever? You're not - you're in the same league as all those people in bibs asking me to save the world. I have to walk down the sidewalk. I'm not a bad person because I'm going somewhere and don't have time to "save the children." So if you want to scream about Jesus my linesmen will duct tape your face shut and then throw you off the car for life. You'll go on the wall of shame right next to Adam Richman and the picture of him and the 2/3 finished burrito.

Arguing - This one's a little different. If you want to be all loud and ruin everyone's morning you better mean it. Because my linesman are going to clear a circle and you two idiots are going to beat the shit out of each other until one of you can't talk anymore. If you're screaming at each other you're past the point of words. Don't start what you never intended on finishing. If you do not fight to the death you will receive a game misconduct.

Not letting a pregnant lady sit - Gentlemen, find yourself a new car because you got yourself a game misconduct. We'll have pregnancy test kits on the train so we don't get any fakers trying to take advantage of my reffing skills. If you're a guy sitting down and there's a + sign on that pee stick you're outta here big boy. And you should probably reevaluate your entire life because your're selfish

I think you get the idea, and I think I'm going a little crazy. Hopefully you'll mostly need to enforce minors, like talking too loudly, tripping, not taking advantage of all the space behind you, and having your ipod so loud i can hear it. These will just be first infraction warnings.

If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change. And please submit your resumes to flyersgoalscoredby@gmail.com.

Snider Nixes Helmet

If you're a Flyers fan you've surely seen Ray Emerey's new helmet by now. A simple white helmet with three of Philadelphia's heroes painted on it - Joe Frazier, Bernard Hopkins, and of course Rocky. It seems that Flyers owner Ed Snider did not think think this was a good message to be sending, both for the club and especially for a player that has had behavioural problems in the past. It was with this in mind that Snider suggested (read demanded Emery's helmet be repainted) three less aggressive characters/scenes for the goalie's mask. Luckily we know they guy at the cart in the mall that was working on this, and between painting cool names and pictures on t-shirts he gave us an exclusive sneak peak of one of the sides of the helmet.



Yep, that's D'Angelo from that video where he was singing all high an getting all sexy back in the '90's. Apparently Ed Snider loves that video. Loves it like to the point where the song is his ringtone. Rumor has it that the other side of the helmet is going to feature Dilbert and Ziggy shaking hands, and the front will have the crazy, scary looking genie head from PeeWee's Playhouse. At least on this point I have to agree with Mr. Snider. Imagine coming down on a breakaway against Jambi? Just seeing that thing from the blueline would be enough to make me head off for a shift change.

Richards, Pronger, Downie, Briere!

It's become apparent to me that I will not be striking it rich as an oil tycoon or clock maker. So like the millions of other people who were eating mayonnaise sandwiches for dinner last night I have resigned myself to the lottery. Mega-Millions, which is played in something like 13 states, is paying out a lump sum of 90m after taxes tomorrow night if someone hits. Wouldn't that be something? I guarantee I wouldn't even end up on some "Lottery Horror Stories show on E!. No one would ever really even know I won it. No pictures with a big check. No news story. Just the people around me would be like "Why did Ryan go to Phoenix this week to play golf? Why is he going directly to Trinidad? Why did he send me this Rolex?"

I've never played actual numbers - like my hampster's birthday or the number of that stupid board they made me hold in my mug shot. I feel like if it's going to happen, and let's be clear right here in that it is NOT going to happen, it would have to be total luck. Total fate. I can't pick the numbers, they just have to magically come out of a magical machine magic. But every time I see last night's number I can't help but compare them t the Flyers. It's what I do. I have a disease. For instance, Tuesday night's picks were 6-12-15-32-42 and a Megaball of 40. But I see Jones, Gagne, former Lupul or current possible Nodl, Cote, Ross, and dried up stinky Prospal. I never could have picked those players out of just the 40 players that have been on the Flyers squad over the past two seasons, much less the millions of possibilities in the actual lottery drawing. Here's what the previous pulls have looked like:

August 7: Bill Barber - Mike Richards - 35? - Asham - 56? - and MB Kukky
August 4: Bernie Parent - Claude Giroux - Jim Dowd - Jared Ross - 50? - and MB Downie
July 31: Jeff Carter - 35? - Kimmo Timonen - 52? - 56? - and MB Knubs
July 28 - Barry Ashbee - Jeff Carter - Sami Kapanen - Matt Carle - Danny Briere - and MB Dowder
July 24 - Lasse Kukkonen - Randy Jones - Marty Biron - 51? - 52? - and MB Power

So I'm going to get a ticket for tomorrow night. And maybe over the weekend I'll be writing you from a golden keyboard. Because, you know, that's what cool is. I think it's about time for a full string of current Flyers to run the table. But definitely not just studs, some randoms have to be thrown in too. So this is what I'm going with. See you in first class. On your way to coach:

Braydon Coburn - Ian Laperriere - Matt Carle - Arron Asham - Jon Kalinski with smoldering hot Mega Ball of Jeff Carter.

A word, if I will, on the Patrick Kane Supremacy

Since this blog is both a Flyers and a USA Hockey blog (that's right, we're now a USA Hockey blog too, because this is the internet and we can do and say whatever we like) I feel a need to weigh in on this Patrick Kane thing. And here it is, get your cameras out and take a picture of it:

Who the fuck cares.

Do I think anyone should go around abusing cab drivers? No. Do I think anyone should go around abusing anyone at all? No. But I also don't think that just because we're aware of every single thing that every single famous person does on a daily basis means that we should care about it. I'd love to see some of the shit that bloggers, journalists, and commentors have done since they were adolescents be shared around the Thanksgiving table this coming November. Wouldn't that be fun?

And for those of you who expect more out of Patrick Kane because he's a professional athlete, let me be very clear when I say this, you're fucking idiots. Just because you bought a Patrick Kane poster for your son doesn't mean that Kane has to live a life that none of us can - that is to say mistake free. I call each of you that expect more of him idiots because I expect more of you. He is a 20 year old multimillionaire. You know he's out getting drunk. You know he's out banging chicks. You know he's out getting in fights. Have you ever even heard of Guns n' Roses? Youth, fame, money, and booze. Same results every time. And what did you expect? He should keep his private affairs to himself? Well no shit, NASA recruit, that's what they're trying to do.

But privacy will never exist at any level for the famous anymore. And it's all of our fault. And phone companies - them too. So get used to every mistake of your children's future (or future children's) heroes being plastered all over the front page of the sports section. And when your kids ask what rape is because they can Google Ben Roethlisberger or addiction is because they love Josh Hamilton, make sure you tell them that they are the result of those Star Magazines siting on your coffee table.

NHL Game Recap

I'm sure you're tired of the count down, but the Flyers regular season opener is.....52 days from now. Sure we'll start getting some real, honest to goodness Flyers news in about 4 weeks, but the real deal has to wait until October 2nd. But luckily, thanks to the time traveling power of the internet, I have a game recap for you!

The Flyers have never opened the season against the Hurricanes. Nor against the Whalers. But they did once have their road opener, if that's something you can even count as a "thing," against the Whale. The Flyers opened the 1993-94 season against the Penguins at home in spectacular fashion, coming back from an early 2-0 deficit to win in regulation, 4-3. Three days later they took the bus up 95 to the lovely city of Hartford to open the road season against the Whalers and their new defensive phenom - some tall gangly 18 year old called Chris Pronger.

One minute and eleven Travis Roy seconds into the game the Whalers 2nd overall pick from the previous summer's draft would record his first NHL point on a secondary assist on a Geoff Sanderson goal. Talk about fate. The Flyers answered with 3 goals in a row before the game was 15 minutes old. With 5:40 left in the period, now be prepared because I'm about to take you back to the day, Josef Beranek had 2 goals, Kevin Dineen had a goal and an assist, and Rod the Bod had two assists.

The period was far from over.

With 4:35 left Hartford reduced the deficit to one, but then Kevin Dineen scored his second of the night (from Josef Beranek nonetheless) and Eric Lindros added one during the two minute drill for good measure.
And that was it. No more scoring for the rest of the game. There would be a number of coincidental penalties throughout the 2nd and 3rd but no one ever dropped the mitts. And before you knew it Dominic Roussel had his second win of the season.

This was probably one of the best games that old #42 Josef Beranek has during his short stint as a Flyer. He managed 49 points that season while making $350k. It would seem times have changed. After a decent start during the shortened lock out season we bartered him for below average (but Canadian!) tough guy Shawn Antoski, who in 89 games with the Flyers managed only one more point than Beranek notched that night in Hartford, when Chris Pronger hit the NHL score sheets with the first of his now 606 NHL points.

Something's Gotta Give

Man I loved that movie. Cheesy right? It was more the fact that my fiance and I went to this cinema pub, which I had never even heard of the concept before, to eat some fried food and drink some beers while we watched the cinematic stylings of Jack Nicholson. And maybe Diane Keaton's old boobs were in it? Anyway...

What I'm talking about is the Flyers. You know what stat is a sign of bad coaching? Yeah, minor penalties. Which yes, we led the league in last year. But you know what's even worse? Bench minors, which we were third in the league in with 13.

Think about your job, what is the most basic thing that happens there? Maybe showing up on time after you've been warned about it twice? Yeah, that analogy will do. So once in a while everyone creeps in late to work. Things happen, hangovers hurt, whatever. But you wouldn't even chance being late if you were told there was going to be a punishment (fine, suspension, firing) the next time it happened. Unless you were Holden Caufield it wouldn't happen again. So there's this rule in the NHL (the warning) that if you have more than 6 players on the ice and touch the puck intentionally you're getting a two minute minor for Too Many Men. Everyone knows it. You know what everyone else also knows? That after about 45 seconds to a minute on the ice your teammate is getting too tired to be out there. And he'll look to come off soon. Now if it's your turn to go on next so you should be watching your teammate closely to see when he's going to come off the ice. When he comes off you go on. It happens a thousand times a game and you've been doing it for 20 years!

If you're the coach how can you let your team stick it to you like that? How can you let them do that to you? If I'm a coach I would have three sets of penalties: rough stuff, lazy ones, and things that I will absolutely fucking murder you with a fucking sword for. I'd tell guys to keep their cool when they got roughings and cross checkings and slashing. I'd yell a bit on hooks and holds. And if you got a too many men penalty or a 2 minute misconduct I would make you kneel in the middle of the locker room between periods, I'd get a sword as tall as I am that some behemoth used to swing in the fucking Dark Ages out of a local museum, and I would chop your fucking head off in the middle of the locker room. I guarantee I'd only have to do it once, hopefully it would only be Anderas Nodl or some fart face like that.

I like John Stevens as a person. I don't know much about him as a coach except that he needs to go to Paul Holmgren and tell him to shut his fucking mouth about the team. How many quotes have you read where your immediate thought after reading it was "John Stevens is Paul Holmgren's bitch"? All of them probably. But John needs to be the sheriff of that locker room. Maybe even wear a badge.

When everyone gets back from Ocean City they're going to start addressing the upcoming season and one of the main things they're going to talk about is how we had the most minors in the league last year and it's going to be even more difficult to reduce that number with all the toughness we've acquired. Sure the team has a responsibility to itself, but there's only one enforcer. If I'm John Stevens I'm telling the team no minor penalties at all this year. When they get the first two categories I'll act pissed and make them go home without showering or make them have sex with only their wives for a week or something. When they get the third type I'll send Andreas Nodl's head soaring through the air like a Tiger Woods sand trap shot. And then we'll see who does it next.

Am I Missing Something?

Since I'm slapped in the face with these game plans each of the 140 times I visit the Flyers website on a daily basis I actually took a second this afternoon to take a closer look at them. As I scanned from left to right I was like "bam! obvious winner." The weekend plan right? I mean, who wouldn't want the weekend plan? There's no pre-season games, which the others all have. Every game is on a weekend meaning you won't have to drag yourself down to the arena on some Tuesday when the work week already feels like it's lasted 10 days. It's the weekend!

And then I thought there must be a catch, like it's only games against the Southeast or something. But no, the only really rival you'll be missing is the Penguins. And the Crosby Sucks chant is embarrassing and lame anyway, so who cares. All these games are actually pretty good:

The Ducks - It'll be Chris Pronger's first game against his old club and Joffery Lupul's first back in Philly.
The Sharks - A good, West Coast team with some great players that we rarely get to see.
The Blues and the Sabres - eh
The Caps - Mike Knuble will be back in the Wach trying to collect OV's rebounds.
The Rangers - I mean, it's the Rangers. And a day game. Head directly to McGillans right after.
The Lightning - Hedman hits the ice to begin the new year. Maybe Steve Downie will be in the line-up.
The Isles - John Tavares won't be boosting attendance on only Long Island this winter.
The Hawks - Good team for a day game on St. Patrick's day weekend. Wear your Griswald jersey if you want!
The Thrashers - Easy win, with or without Nitty.
Les Habitants - Get to see Gionta and Gomez in Candien uniforms in person? Sold.

Other plans offer different perks like the Orange Plan has Fan Appreciation Night, the Black plan has opening and closing nights, and the Powerplay Plan is loaded with intra-division rivals. But still, I think I'd have to go weekend. Even though Thursday night might be my favorite night for games I kind of like spending school nights on the couch. What, I'm old.

On the Road

Deciding who is going to room together on the road is probably one of the more mundane but possibly important decisions a coach can make off of the ice. Teams spend probably 40-50 nights in hotels during the 190 day season, and there is a lot of chemistry built on those trips. It's no secret that the players love it. I mean just picture it - getting to travel around for free and eat at the nicest places with 19 of your best friends every couple weeks. Not too shabby. There are a whole slew of different approaches to test out when deciding who is bunking with whom, like veteran and rookie, forward and d-man, a loud guy and a quiet guy, two guys who know each other pretty well already, or any combination of a number of these different dynamics. So just taking one quick shot and not getting too deep into thought about this, if I were John Stevens these are the room assignments we'd be headed out with on our first round trip:

Giroux and Powe
Carter and Richards
Hartnell and Timonen
Gagne and Coburn
Briere and Laperriere
Carcillo and Pronger
Emery and Boucher
Carle and Asham
Jones and Cote
Parent and Rabbit

I was close to putting Emery and Pronger together, but I was also close to putting Pronger in the presidential suite by himself in honor of our impending Stanley Cup. Part of me would like to keep all the d-men together and part of me thinks it's good for those two groups to mix it up, Remember the Titans style. Left Side!

Assuming this is our roster when things get under way, who would you, as John Stevens, be putting in in the Cum Cave with Daniel Carcillo? Would you make any of the guys sleep in a queen as a punishment? Or maybe a reward? Where else have I gone wrong?

It Takes All Ages

Like many Sundays that come and go with not many plans I’m sitting in my living room. The tv is on, but no one’s really watching it, checking out the internet, books, and magazines as the mood suits us. Today’s background distraction until some golf or baseball gets underway is The Rock. It’s a decent background movie – one you’ve fairly familiar with and even if you weren’t you don’t really need to follow it to know what’s going on. In a way, comfortable. But for some reason as Ed Harris threatens to launch VX gas from Alcatraz into San Francisco I find myself wondering if maybe this is the exact time that Mrs. Doubtfire is happening in that same city, in Movie Land. And what about the Tanners? Are they in danger too? I hope not, for Saiku Koivu’s sake at least.

It kind of got me thinking about how the Flyers have 21 year olds playing for them and guys who will turn 35 this season. It’s pretty amazing. It’s not like you just have to be the best among your age group to be in the NHL, you have to be one of the top 600 hockey players in the world, form ages 18 to, now, 40. When Chris Pronger was in the middle of his first NHL season as a member of the Hartford Whalers Claude Giroux turned 6 years old. He was six. Writing that it’s almost hard to comprehend that while one of these current teammates was playing against Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux the other was still in diapers (you didn’t wear diapers until you were 8?) For the past 16 years Chris Pronger has been honing his skills against the best players in the world and Claude Giroux, who many are expecting to be a key contributor to the Flyers offense as soon as this upcoming season, was going through school and having camping trips with his parents.

If Rabbit, 16 months younger than Giroux, makes the team there’ll be an even larger gap between the club’s oldest and youngest player. Ian Laperriere turns 35 this season and Rabbit just turned 20. It must be an interesting dynamic in the locker room when you have such a mixture of guys in their mid 30’s and guys they honestly see as kids, who are just as big a part of the team as anyone. Must be hard, as a younger guy, to know where to fit in.

Philadelphia and Sports book coming in 2010

So apparently there’s this book coming out next year (how do you go about getting money for endeavors like this?) that is going to attempt to really put Philadelphia and sports in perspective, from little leagues to Stanley Cups. No small task. The name of the book is going to be “More Than a Game” and if done correctly could be a really bad ass read that could probably take steps to close the generational gap that exists between us younger fans who just got to celebrate our first league championship this past fall and our parents who have really been through it all.

They have a website and are looking for some input form real Phialdelphians in order to paint an accurate picture of the city side view of sports. People like Bobby Clarke and Dr. J are, kind of ironically because they are at the heart of the entire culture, still only two people. And two people who had an incredibly different experiences than the millions of children, parents, bar regulars, and everyone else who really were and are the heartbeat of the city. Philadelphia’s athletes were the catalyst and point of focus for everything that happened, but more important in the story of the city and sports are the families that sat around on crisp Fall Sundays watching the Eagles.

A perfect example of what I hope this book will address is the ridicule I received last fall when I put Bobby Clarke on the 4th line of my All-Time Flyers forwards. Some older people who were around for the Cups really took me to the wood shed on this one. I thought I presented it fairly well in the post, but you can be the judge if you care to click on the link.

How I found out about this, and where I was headed before I got way off track with all this “what do sports mean in Philadelphia” business that these people are hard at work trying to figure out, is that I was searching Youtube for some Flyers stuff. I miss hockey. Sue me. After having to close a couple Mike Richards interviews about half way through the clip due to the combination of his awkward voice and answers I ended up watching this clip below. All I wanted to do was maybe give you something to watch and make fun of the extremely awkward camera/mirror set up in this interview. But then I started wondering what these guys’ final product is going to look like. Either way, this video is set up a little creepily:



I think if I had been a Flyers fan when Bobby Clarke was a round instead of an over-crowded sperm in my dad’s testicles I would have been his biggest fan. Just the way he says “it was a great feeling when you beat those spoiled brats.”

Growing up 400 miles north of Winnipeg must have been something in the 60’s…

A Fighter's Chance

It's always about the 1st round picks. Everything we talk about revolves around the high profile players on the team. The star forward, the big defenseman, the Cup caliber goalie. And it makes sense. These are the difference makers, the players who are going to bring a championship to a city. When you're the kind of player that gets drafted, much less in the first round with an '09 jersey waiting for you at the podium, you get stamped. In other words, you're looked out for. Any NHL club can and will pull strings to get their prospects into the proper school, onto a good junior team, or into the AHL as opposed to the much less cushy lower level pro leagues. Even when you get drafted in the 7th round you're in the club. When you don't get drafted they don't even tell you where the club is.

Any time I've given any thought this off-season to what the Flyers front 12 might look like I haven't even momentarily considered Riley Cote. And from what I can gather from other Flyers fans neither have they. All signs point to Riley Cote not being on the opening night roster. He’s just not good enough right?

Riley Cote the child, not 7 lbs. 8 ounce baby Riley Cote, was a good hockey player growing up outside Winnipeg, Manitoba. Good enough that by the time he turned 15 the Prince Albert Raiders were ready to use their second (36th overall) pick of the 1997 WHL Bantam Draft on him, after having selected Scott Hartnell with their first. After a year of AAA midget Riley would move on to Major Junior for the Raiders, and as has been chronicled here before, put up some decent offensive numbers. After a fairly slow start that lead to him not being drafted in the 2000 draft, he had almost point-per-game seasons for his last two years of juniors while only dropping the gloves 12 times. He even served as captain during his over-age season:

"I have had three unbelievable captains,'' said McNeill. "In Hartnell, Schultz and Cote, those are three guys I have learned a lot from and have a lot of respect for."

During his time with the Raiders he had been invited to training camps each summer since he'd turned 18 - Minnesota one year, Columbus the next, and finally Toronto after he had played his last shift of juniors. He had been turned away each time, expectedly so, but just skating with current NHLers must have given him a pretty good idea of what it was going to take for him to make it to the NHL. When Riley Cote went undrafted his dream became exactly that, a dream. The odds were stacked against him, and he knew it.

Fresh out of juniors an undrafted Canadian has three choices - start working, go to Canadian University, or try to turn pro, which can mean a variety of things. Once you've been paid to play ice hockey, which playing Major Junior in Canada entails, even if it is a pittance, you can't play NCAA hockey because you're considered a pro. Rules is rules. Probably because he thought he had a glimmer of a chance at making a living playing pro hockey, or maybe more so because the though of College or construction work didn’t appeal to him, Cote headed into Leafs camp during the summer of 2002. He didn't make the St. John's Leafs (AHL) and certainly didn't make the big club, so it was off to Memphis, Tennessee for the Canadian winger. I've always imagined that this is a pretty surreal time for a 20 year old Canadian. Moving to a town that he may have never even heard of in the United States of America (spittoon sound effect). Even more so for players who end up in the CHL than the ECHL, which Riley Cote did, because these cities are places most Americans probably have never been. Not that they're not lovely towns, it's just that Bossier, Tulsa, or Corpus Christi must be a bit of a shock to these kids. And when you’re a minor league hockey player you have more free time than you know what to do with. I imagine a lot of it is spent wondering just exactly what you're doing below the Mason Dixon Line - if that concept has even been explained to you.

So Rockin’ Riles was a pro hockey player now. And as the season dragged on for the struggling Memphis River Kings Cote garnered his first taste of main stream media attention in an article called "Tough guys in five major minor-pro hockey leagues all from Canada" by Pierre Lebrun. Well, not really. Cote was listed as an honorable mention. Still, that was ink, and probably pretty flattering. You see Cote had made a decision upon arriving in Memphis. He had asked himself a simple question that would end up defining the rest of his life - what are you more scared of, fighting on the ice or fighting for a job in Winnipeg? Years later, as a member of the Flyers, Cote was able to reflect on that inner-monologue with some perspective:

"It was more like a business decision on my part to scrap my way through different leagues," Cote said. "I fought everyone."

That's no bullshit. By the time Lebrun was inking his article Cote had already fought 21 of the CHL's toughest - more than twice as many opponents than he had faced in any full season with Prince Albert. He was fighting twice a night, sometimes even three nights in a row. He had also already popped up to the AHL for a game and a fight. A fight in which he got opened up under his eye. Later in the year when Toronto had a couple injuries during February they needed a couple guys from St. John’s, and in turn St. John’s needed a couple guys from Memphis. Cote was one of those guys. But by the end of the season he was back in Memphis, which as it turned out, wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The River Kings, who had snuck into the playoffs as the last seed, ended up running the table and winning the President's Cup.

As you’ll see is kind of a theme in this story, at the end of minor-pro season all contracts expire. So that summer Rockin' Riles was once again on his own. No big NHL club looking out for his best interests, no one advising him besides friends and family. That summer Cote made his second appearance at a Blue Jackets training camp, only this visit was a little more serious and successful. Riley had done well, and after training camp Cote was scheduled to dress for the Blue Jacket's exhibition opener, a major feat for any up-and-coming enforcer. But at the tail end of the camp Riles was struck with an inadvertent high stick. It was pretty serious. The scale was Bryan Berard or 8 stitches. Luckily, when the blood had drained from his eye it was the latter. And although Cote had missed his first opportunity to put on an NHL sweater against another NHL club he was signed to a two-way contract between the Syracuse Crunch of the AHL and the Dayton Bombers of the ECHL. Progress.

Riley would miss all of the Bombers training camp recovering from his eye injury but was ready to go on opening night in Dayton. And by ready to go I mean ready to fight. 18 minutes into the game him and an opponent with 2 inches on him dropped the mits. By the time the people of Dayton were getting ready for their Riley Cote Look-a-Like Jack-o-Lantern contest Riles’ had been called up to the Crunch, where he would spend all of November. But after no points and 3 fights (Brian McGrattan and Ryan Clowe included) in 9 games with Syracuse Riley was sent back down to Dayton for the remainder of the season where he stuck to his business plan. He took ‘em all on. He even managed to sneak 17 points in with his 29 fights in 57 games with the Bombers. And then the greatest fear of every minor leaguer: a contract-less summer.

With no invitations to any pro camps it looked like Riley was headed back to Memphis for the 2004-05 season. This would prove to be a very difficult summer for many borderline AHL players as the NHL lockout was looming, which meant that the AHL was going to be flooded with a lot of younger guys that would have probably been playing in the NHL had the league gotten its shit together and had a season. And that’s probably why when Riles joined the Phantoms on a 10 day tryout contract in mid-October his River Kings coach said “"We don't know what the future holds in that situation and it made us scramble. Cote was not just a tough guy, but a good player. We took a double blow. I think we will see him back sometime this year." I’m sure he meant it as some sort of compliment but a player like Riley Cote probably didn’t take it that way.

It would appear that Cote, possibly fueled by his coache’s comments and definitely a wiser call-up, decided that he wanted to stay in the AHL this time – for real. Which is probably why Riley Cote, after scoring his first AHL goal, went after 260 lbs. Raitis Ivanans – a seasoned AHL heavyweight at this point – at the end of his debut game in the Spectrum. Despite his CHL coach being sure that Cote would return to Memphis at some point that season he never did. Instead he fought Brandon Sugden, Shawn Thornton, Cam Janssen, Peter Vandermeer, Eric Godard, Denis Bonvie and 20 or so other contenders for the AHL heavyweight belt. He also contributed 11 points and dressed in 13 of the Phantoms playoff games en route to a Calder Cup.

In July of 2005 Riley Cote was signed to an AHL contract. If I imagine Cote was the type that would allow himself to let out a huge sigh of relief and pat himself on the back in secret only once or twice in his life I think this may have been that day. He was now a bonafide pro hockey player. He was in the Flyers system and fully registered. That glimmer of hope that Cote had chased when he turned pro during the summer of 2002 was now, three years later, turning into an opportunity that may actually be within his reach. During the 2005-06 season Cote became one of the best fighters in the AHL. His point total decreased but boy did he get involved in some battles. Added to his distinguished list of combatants were now David Koci, Darcy Verot, Martin Grenier, and Brett Clouthier. He didn’t have to go after other teams’ enforcers in an attempt to prove himself any longer – they were coming to him.

That summer Cote was signed again. After a grueling training camp in which Steve Downie and Cote had almost mixed it up Riley Cote was going to get the chance he had missed out on three years earlier because of a high stick – Cote was going to dress for the Flyers in the preseason. And when he did dress against the Devils he knew not to leave things up to chance, and he and Cam Jansen went toe-to-toe five minutes into the game.

If you’re reading this you’re either Riley Cote himself or a Flyers fan. Either way you remember the 2006-07 season. For reasons related to laziness as well as good taste it’s best to just skip to the end. Before I jump ahead, however, it’s important that you know one key part of the story. Riley Cote was flat-out lied to at the beginning of that season. It was made clear to him by coach Ken Hitchcock that he had made the roster, and that he would not be up and down during the 2006-07 season. And then on October 12 he was sent down to the Phantoms for 6 months. But before he was stabbed in the back articles were penned and feelings were extracted.

"It definitely hasn't been an easy road for me," Cote said. "The way I was brought up was just to keep your head up and keep working hard and things fall where they may.

"I was a first-year pro in the Central Hockey League and just gradually chipped away. Two years with the Phantoms, and we won a Calder Cup, and I'm still chipping away. Hopefully, I stick around here until the end. It would mean the world to me. It's been my dream through all the ups and downs of my career. I couldn't have any better news."

"I'm actually kind of speechless," Cote said after hearing the news he had made the Flyers' final roster. "This is unbelievable. It's a dream come true."

Chalk this one up to the “It’s a business Assholes.” It was probably kind of like that commercial where the fat kid is playing with the Red Truck and then my boss gives him the cardboard one instead. That’s what it probably felt like, except with a lot of punching.

The Flyers were a fucking mess by the end of the year. About 315 players, including my dad, had dressed for them, and by the time Todd Fedoruk’s face had been broken and Ben Eager had tried to get back at Colton Orr by making love to him it was time to bring up the next contestant, Riley Cote.

''This is my shot -- to make a name for myself, to get noticed.”

Riles definitely got noticed when he got a roughing penalty and hooking penalty 10 minutes into his first NHL game. In that game against the Islanders Asham and Witt would not oblige. In his next game against the Hurricanes Mike Commodore turned him down. But his third game was against the Devils.

"As a role player my job is to start stuff," Cote said. "I'm an energy guy and if I can't find a fight I gotta bring a hit. The last couple games I've been finding hits, but I can't find a fight. These next couple teams have guys who are gamers."

The big stage. The main event. The kid from Winnipeg:



The next game was the Flyers first against the Rangers since Colton Orr had dented Todd Fedoruk’s iron plate face, and fireworks were expected:

"I've known Riley since he was 16 and he is a friend of mine," Fedoruk said of the Flyers' 25-year-old rookie. "I think it's more of a friendship thing. I'm sure (Cote) is thinking, (Orr) took down a guy I look up to."

Cote is hoping Orr, who has nothing to gain by fighting him, obliges.

"It was no cheap shot or anything, but it is your teammate; it is my role, and I am a new guy," Cote said. "I've got a lot to prove. It's a great opportunity. I just want to get my name out there and show the team I can fill Fridge's shoes when he's absent.

"I don't want to start calling out people in the paper because it is a hockey game and not a boxing match. I want to play my game, play physical and get in people's faces."

Cote knows Orr because both are from Winnipeg, but he's never fought him.

Except nothing happened. Not for lack of trying, however. The first time Orr and Cote were on the ice together Orr declined a Cote challenge. By the end of the second it was obvious that Orr wasn’t going to go. Even Avery and Strudwick were refusing advances from Big Bad Ben Eager. Rangers coach Tom Renney had obviously sent a message to his playoff bound team.

Riley Cote stayed with the Flyers for the rest of the season and on July 25th of 2007 signed a 1 year NHL contract. Even though it was a two-way contract it was still an NHL contract. You couldn’t “make it” any more than Cote had at this point. He had achieved the dream that you try not to let yourself even think about because of the guaranteed and imminent disappointment that will set in when you in fact do not achieve it. This would be the second time I would think Riles gave himself some credit.

How it came to be that Riley Cote was the Flyers sole enforcer for the past two years is a mixture of his incredibly fearless attitude and shitty play by others. Going into the 2007-08 season the Flyers had Riley Cote, Ben Eager, and Jesse Boulerice all on the roster. Boulerice got himself suspended for 25 games during the Flyers third game of the season and Ben Eager played his way out of town, putting the cherry on top by getting old man-handled by a Gary Roberts. And that was all the opportunity Riley needed. Simon, Roy, Thornton, McGrattan, Godard, Orr, Peters, Rupp, Laraque, Shelley Brashear. It’s not debatable the Riley Cote takes on the leagues toughest players the most often. Guys like Donald Brashear and Georges Laraque don’t have to fight 30 times a year. Riley Cote needs to, and does, because he is still proving himself. There’s not one NHL tough guy that Cote hasn’t gone up against in the past two years except those that he hasn’t been able to for scheduling or injury reasons.

And that’s why we can’t count him out for this season’s club. Going up against the odds is probably the position he’s most used to. He both literally and metaphorically fought his way to a 3 year NHL contract. Do you honestly think something has changed in him? That ever since he got one of the smallest contracts in the league he turned soft? Now more than ever his life is on the line. And this time it’s different because he’s not fighting in hopes of one day achieving his dream, he’s fighting to hold onto it – it’s in his hands. You think he’s going to come all this way and let go? He’s settled in Philadelphia. He has a charity that is closely tied to the Flyers. He has been the sole protector of the Flyers talent for the past two years and has earned some lumps because of it. Maybe the best person to sum it up is Riley Cote himself from back in 2006 when he thought he was about to make the squad:

"My mentality going into this season is to fight everyone, win or lose," Cote said. "I don't have to win them all; there are some tough guys out there. It's the heart that counts.

"It's showing up and sticking up for your teammates and playing just as hard before the fight and after the fight, win or lose. People notice that, you know?"

He’s back in the same exact position with three more years and 92 more fights against the best fighters in hockey under his belt. He’s going to do what it takes to make this team.



Down. Goes. Roy.