Draft Results Without The Waiting

Let's pretend that today is June 26, 2000. Come on, you remember what pretending is, right? Like back before the world crushed your soul with car insurance payments and wakes with mostly strangers? Yeah, there it is. Ok, so it's the morning of June 26th and you're enjoying a cup of coffee in front of your brand new, state-of-the art Apple computer that's shaped like an astronaut's helmet (but has orange trim because, hey, you're a Flyers fan) and you wander over to Hockey's Future to read Bill Meltzer's review on the Flyers draft, because you've never heard of any of these guys. Not a single one. And for good reason - this isn't football and you don't get many OHL games on your 4 cable channels (2000, remember?)

So you see this:

Alexander Drozdetsky (W, St. Petersburg KA, Russian Championship League)
HT: 6-0
WT: 174
Shoots: L
Rankings: #54 by The Hockey News, #51 European by CSB
1999-2000 Stats: 32 GP, 2 G, 0 A, 2 PTS, 10 PIM

Wow, a Russian. That's a little surprising. We've drafted one Russian in each of the last four drafts and that's the last I ever heard of them. Hmm ok, so what do they say about this kid?

From Hockey's Future Flyers 2000 Draft Review:
Alex Drozdetsky is the son of longtime Red Army player Nikolai Drozdetsky His stats from this past season may not look like much but the Flyers were more excited about this pick than any other they made in the draft. Flyers chief European scout, Inge Hammarström is rarely given to hyperbole when assessing a player. He pushed hard for Drozdetsky's selection. Clarke listened and was prepared to take the Russian winger with the Flyers first round pick. Hammarström told him that he thought Drozdetsky had not been scouted properly by the CSB (not the first time that ex-CSB scout Hammarström has taken issue with their rankings) and may still be available when the Flyers turn came up in the third round. He was right.

After the selection of Drozdetsky became official, Hammarström was unusually excited, telling Clarke that the Flyers had just "hit a home run," comparing Drozdetsky to a young Igor Larionov and predicting that Drozdetsky would be a Flyers regular within two years. While no one is infallible, Hammarström has a track record of being proven right when he feels strongly enough about a prospect to lobby hard for their selection- the most famous examples being Peter Forsberg, Mikael Renberg, Dmitri Yushkevich, and Janne Niinimaa. Even a couple of his "misses" (Patrik Juhlin, Viacheslav Butsayev) at least played in the NHL and were regulars for a time.

Everyone likes a deal, and we got this kid we were going to take in the 1st round in the 3rd round - sold. The mention of names like Larionov, Forsberg, and Renberg probably got you so excited you picked up your Palm Pilot and tried to send an e-mail to Jim in accounting telling him that you're going to order a "Drozdetsky 89" jersey. But you can't find your little plastic pen so you decide to stay online and check your personal e-mail. Probably an AOL account, or Hotmail if you were slightly more advanced. And you see this subject on an unopened e-mail from the future.

"Drozdetsky Never Leaves Russia"

The e-mail is dated May 29, 2009, but that must be some sort of Y2k glitch. You check to make sure your Norton Anti-virus is on and you open the e-mail. It's too tempting to resist:

"Dear Professor Grumblebut,

My name is Fran and I'm from the future. While I have the capability to send e-mails to the past I should probably be doing something more useful, but I just saw your Drozdetsky 89 jersey for sale on eBay (you'll get used to hearing that) and thought I might be able to save you $250, and some embarrassment.

So that review you read, the one by Bill Meltzer, it's a crock of shit. Not only does Alex Drozdetsky never come to the US, he never even evolves into top level talent in Russia. During the summer of 2002 the Flyers will try to sign the prospect to an entry level contract, but he'll say no, or more likely "nit" because he never learns English, citing that he doesn't think he's ready for the AHL yet. As the 2004 NHL season kicks off Drozdetsky will still be listed as a Flyers prospect, above even Randy Jones, Ben Eager, and Jussi Timonen. A year later this review will be posted by Al Alven:

Not too long ago, Drozdetsky was viewed as one of the top prospects in the Flyers organization, a mega-talented, second-generation star in the making who possessed limitless potential as an all-around player, with offensive ability to spare. Well, time has certainly soured the reputation of the still-skilled, still-young, yet, underachieving Russian winger.

Drozdetsky has become, essentially, an inconsistent journeyman in the Russian Super League. He turned in what was seemingly a breakthrough campaign for perennial contender Ak Bars Kazan two seasons ago, but floundered once again in 2004-05, despite the presence of several locked-out NHL stars on the team’s roster (including Vincent Lecavalier and Ilya Kovalchuk).

So poor was Drozdetsky’s overall performance last season, Kazan loaned him to non-contending Nizhnekamsk near the end of the regular season, then let him walk away as a free agent. The 6’0, 180 lbs. winger eventually signed with Avangard Omsk, his fifth RSL team in eight years.

Drozdetsky has yet to establish himself as a consistent or reliable player in his homeland, and his interest in coming over to North America has always seemed tepid at best. Such a combination makes it seem less and less likely that this once-heralded prospect will ever don an orange and black jersey in the NHL, especially as the years continue to go by.

By the end of the 2005-06 season Drozdetsky has completely fallen off the Flyers prospect list. He'll spend the next three years playing in Russia and putting up 1/2 a point a game while some repatriated Phantoms will double his output. He'll drink vodka by the bottles.

So no need to get excited about this one, Professor. And while I'm telling you about the future...Williams will be decent, Chechmanek will be decent, and none of the other 5 picks will ever score a point for the Flyers. And if you can somehow get assistant GM Paul Holmgren's ear tell him to trade for the kid that the Rangers took in the 7th round. He's going to turn out to be a pretty decent goalie.

Invest in Google!
Fran"

You'll probably disregard the entire e-mail. Write it off as some sort of prank by a friend. But boy won't you feel stupid when this pick ends up like 80% of the Flyers picks - a shot in the dark that missed the barn.

With the 21st Overall Pick the Philadelphia Flyers Select …

The NHL draft is much more of a gamble than any of the other professional sports. Networks of old boys in mock turtlenecks are charged with choosing the All-Stars and coveted Free Agents of tomorrow at an age when many of them are still to young to drink legally in Canada. A law I’m sure they aide by. In the NFL, NBA, and MLB (to a lesser extent) they are drafting ready to play, about to graduate college adults. NHL front offices are drafting kids with pimples on their buts and too much gel in their hair. And while the intelligence available to these GM’s and Presidents has exponentially increased just like it has for you and I there’s always still a chance that you’re going to miss the Zetterberg’s and draft the Ouellet’s, Feniak’s, Rudenko’s, Kasparik’s, and Pletka’s instead (might be a difficult joke to pick up but those are the Flyers picks before Henrick was drafted in the ’99 draft….yeah…).

So do the international network of scouts, the NHL experience, the years of watching your own club play – do any of these give the Flyers war room any advantage over your average, male-enhanced blogger? It’s not really an exciting bet to place, because you have to wait anywhere from 2 to 6 years to say “I told you so” if you’re right, but if I’m still blogging from the moon in 2015 that’s exactly what I’m going to do when Ryan Ellis puts up his third 50 point season as an NHL defenseman.

Once you get past the first round (and sometimes not even then) nothing is a sure bet. Only 22 of the Flyers 80 draft picks over the past ten years have ever donned an orange and black sweater - and if it wasn’t for the disastrous 2006-07 season where even The Phillie Phanatic had to dress for a game, that number would be closer to 18. That fact, along with the innumerable amount of variables that exist on draft day, make predicting any picks after the first round impossible. Like finding a husband or wife on match.com impossible. So while I think there are some guys with decent hockey names like Jimmy Bubnick, Alex Fallstrom, Jared Festler, Curtis Gedig, Willie Coetzee, Lee Moffie, and big Joe Carrabino, I can’t even begin to guess if those guys will be around in rounds 4, 5, and 6, much less if the Flyers will still have those picks. But I will venture to guess at who will be the Flyers first round pick, as that’s the only one that really ends up mattering anyway. Of the Flyers first rounders from the past ten drafts only two have not suited up for the Flyers. Jeff Woywitka was just a bad choice and Riemer will likely see time this year. The player the Flyers will pick with the 21st pick overall in the 2009 draft is likely to be the only drafted player from this class that you see in a Flyers jersey after the mandatory photo shoots.

Some stats to start.

The common thinking in any draft, whether it be at the Belle Centre in Montreal or the back room at your local Applebees, is regardless of position you have to take the best player available. Contrary to what I read all over the internet, the Flyers have actually favored goalies a bit more than forwards or defensemen over the past 10 drafts. This is probably a function of not having been able to draft a Brodeur or Ward or Mason, but if you look at the roster of a hockey team it’s made up of 60% forwards, 30% defensemen, and 10% goalies. Over the past ten years the flyers picks have been 53% forwards, 29% defensemen, and 19% goalies. So don’t worry Flyers fans, they’ve been trying to find that next Hextall. But I think this lack of success is exactly why they’re not going be drafting many goalies this year. They drafted two back stops last year and signed Backlund last month. Plus it’s easier to just steal or trade for a proven goalie than throw away draft picks on some kid who will never amount to more than a tiny flash in a tiny pan.

There’s another trend that’s a bit surprising. Over the past ten drafts over a quarter of the Flyers draft picks have been International players. Let me clarify a bit. The NHL’s central scouting services, who ranks amateur players in preparation for each NHL draft, keeps two separate lists of prospects – one for North American players and one for International players. To clarify a bit more, these lists have nothing to do with a players nationality but actually refer to where they are playing their amateur hockey. There’s a slightly antiquated notion that kids who don’t come to the U.S. or Canada on their own to play Junior or College hockey are less likely to come over and play in the NHL. There’s also this notion that Euros are soft, but we need not get into that here. When the Flyers select an international player they do expect them to come and develop their game in what most scouts (and the Flyers maybe above all others) see as the best Junior league in the world, the CHL. Stefan Ruzika’s a prime example. They plucked him out of Slovakia in the third round and placed him on the OHL’s Owen Sound Attack where he had two pretty good seasons. He followed the plan and just wasn’t good enough, which is why he left for the KHL. But if you draft a player and he decides that he’d rather be a superstar in Finland than struggle with English in the AHL for 6 years you might as well have wiped your ass with that draft pick. And then eaten it.

But in the first round during the last ten drafts the Flyers have strayed from the CHL only twice. And while one of those picks is still playing out you could say that, to date, the Flyers have been pleased with neither. Funnily enough those two picks have been the highest picks in recent Flyers history. In 2002 the Flyers selected a young fleet-of-foot high scoring defenseman from Finland with the 4th overall pick in the draft. After a phenomenal offensive rookie season, with some noticeably weak play on the defensive end, typical of a rookie, it looked like Joni Pitkanen was going to be a Flyers point man for a long time. But after 3 more seasons (one with the Phantoms due to the lockout) it became clear that Pitkanen in fact was not going to bear down on his defensive game the way the Flyers had been pushing him to and he was shipped off Edmonton.

Unless some of the more ridiculous internet rumors come to fruition James van Riemsdyk will be wearing a Flyers jersey some time this season or next. But it’s no secret that the Flyers management was not pleased with this Jersey kid disobeying them and heading back to college for another year of ultimate Frisbee and chicken finger night. Riemer finally turned pro after UNH was eliminate from the NCAA tournament, but the Flyers not so abashedly think that his development has suffered as a result of his transgressions. Time will tell.

One thing the Flyers do like, especially when they have a mid-to-late first round pick, is a good old Canadian boy from a proven Canadian Junior league. Claude Giroux (22), Jeff Carter (11), Mike Richards (24), Justin Williams (28), Steve Downie (29). All these guys were highly ranked Canadians who had proven they could play in one of the leagues in the CHL, and all made or are making significant contributions to the Flyers. Throw in last year’s defensive stop gap Luca Sbisa (who voluntarily came over to the WHL before even being drafted) and you have 6 solid mid-to-late picks from the CHL. It’s a tried and true technique and you can expect the Flyers to follow that pattern this summer.

When you take into account that over the past 10 drafts North American players have been taken at a 2-to-1 clip over International skaters you can make a safe bet that we’ll have the option of taking at least the 15th ranked North American skater available. That would mean that 5 International players had been taken in the first 20 picks, and with the young Swede Victor Hedman making some analysts question whether or not Jonathan Tavares is the true prize of this draft I think that’s a safe assumption. And luckily enough for the Flyers, the North American Skaters ranked 15-19 are all from the WHL or OHL.

Now I can’t afford the Draft Robot 2009, and I don’t have a team of scouts, but I do have the internet. So after checking out these kids stats, articles, and videos of their fights (or non fights Stefan) here’s what I think.


#15 – Nazem Kadri - London Knights, OHL, C

Kadri is a 6'1 180 lbs. center who scored 78 points in 56 games this past season with the London Knights. During the 2008-09 season he was a bit older than most of his draft competition and benefited from the late season addition of OHL phenom Jonathan Tavares. What worries me about Kadri is that his goal production didn't increase along with his points this past season. He did play less games, but you want to see a potential first round pick increase all of stats significantly year over year, regardless of whether they play 15 less games. If Kadri's still hanging around when the 21st pick comes along I think I'd pass.

#16 – Ryan Ellis – Windsor Spitfires, OHL, D

Here he is. Your next Philadelphia Flyers first round pick. If he's available. And that's a big "if." Long post seasons runs tend to have a serious impact on where an eligible prospect will actually end up going in the draft. Seeing as the Windsor Spitfires not only won the Robertson Cup but also captured the Mem Cup, Ellis’ stock is probably through the roof. He’s a pretty small guy at 5'10 175 lbs., but keep in mind that our best defenseman is 5'10 and that Ellis is only 18 years old. Our only problem is that Ellis’ performance after the final CSS ranking were released might be reason enough for some club to take him significantly higher than he's ranked. All in all he had a hell of a year - meaning a World Junior Championship, the Robertson Cup, the Memorial Cup, an OHL first team All-Star nod and the Max Kaminsky trophy for the top defenseman in the OHL. The more I read about this kid and his 90 point season (as a defenseman) the more I think that CSS just really effed up on this one and Ellis might be taken as high as the 12th pick. The only way he'll hang around is if other teams are put off by his size. Apparently his 5'10 listing might be a bit of an exaggeration, and he has been previously over-looked on many occasions as a result of his smaller stature. If he's still around come the 21st pick I pray the Flyers don't fall into the same trap of those who have over-looked him before.

#17 – Stefan Elliot – Saskatoon Blades, WHL, D

Stefan Elliot is a bit of an enigma. I hate to always focus on fighting so much but Luca Sbisa has 5 fights in his equivalent of one junior season. Fighting is a sign of competitiveness and dedication to your teammates. And Elliot at 6'1 175 lbs. has only shed his gloves once in the past two years while playing defense for the Saskatoon Blades? It's hard to believe. His offensive numbers, however, are impressive as he put up 55 points in 71 games from the blue line.

#18 – Landon Ferraro – Red Deer Rebels, WHL, C

The kid's got NHL talent in his blood. Landon is two inches taller than his dad at the age of 17, but his dad is 898 NHL points ahead of him at the age of 48. Sometimes these legacy things work, sometimes they don’t. But Ferraro has wheels and a little bit 'o grit, something that separates him from the rest of these guys and will most likely endear him to the Flyers brass. Even though this year he doubled his scoring output from his rookie WHL season he still hasn't reached the elite level of Junior scoring and will need at least one more year in Red Deer regardless of who picks him.

#19 – Peter Holland – Guelph Storm, OHL, C

Peter Holland has dropped significantly in the CSS rankings since the mid-season. Once ranked as high as 10th, Holland came in at 19th when all was said and done. He's a big boy at 6'2, 220 lbs. but this quote right here bugs me. "With the helmet rule coming in this year that doesn't really affect my game too much because I'm not the type of guy to drop the mitts," he said. "If I have to do it I will to protect a teammate, but that doesn't affect the way I play my game." Apparently he’s “had to do it” only once in his two junior seasons. Thank God. If I had my dithers we’d get a tough kid but it's by no means a requirement. But openly stating that you're "not the type to drop the mitts," what does that get you? I'm not basing my analysis on this alone, as he did put up 67 points in 68 games as a 17 year-old in the OHL, but that's not the kind of fire I'm looking for.

So over the next three notes the Flyers draft team will compare notes, watch video, and flip a lot of loonies to determine their draft order. They’ll be on the phone with other teams who want to deal and in the end they’ll pick a bunch of kids that will try to Kalinski their way onto the Flyers roster at some point in the next 5 years.

Over the next three weeks here I’ll be picking my butt and drinking coffee. And I wouldn’t be surprised if that lands us in the same place. If the little defensive point machine Ellis is not available I’d take a serious look at Ferraro, but I’m not sure I’d pull the trigger. There’s a big Swede named Carl Klingberg that looks interesting and a Finn with called Joonas Nattinen that might be a sleeper over on the international side. Is it worth taking the shot? Who knows. But if Ellis isn’t available I’d seriously consider trading down in a deal that could involve Bouwmeester or Komisarek and shedding some salary while I’m at it. This draft’s not weak by any means, but I’ll just leave it at this – there’s no obvious Riley Cote in it, so maybe it’s just better to trade all the picks away.

Flyers Trade for Lebron

It's only been 4 weeks since the Flyers season ended and I'm already tired of hearing about what the Flyers may or may not do this off-season. Paul Holmgren and his technicolor dream shirt were even kind enough to sit down with Tim "Tiny Tim Saunders" Saunders and discuss the future of the club this week, but I'm not going to listen to it. Not because all hockey-related interviews are boring and composed of about ten stock responses about work ethic, how great every other team is, and how your team is pretty good too, but because he's not going to say anything definite about roster moves. That's all it comes down to. I don't care how anyone is feeling or whether or not he knows we have no goalies signed, I'm perfectly content sitting back and waiting to see what he actually does.

Because what he might do leads to rumors of Robert Luongo playing forward for us next season, and they all basically end up here:

(from hockeybuzzhogwash, a great site that just blows up this idiot Flyers fan's bullshit subscription website)

I can sit around and imagine crazy shit all day and then Holmgren will go and get an Eminger and a Vaananen. While I'm imagining, why not shoot for the stars.

So I was dvr-ing some shows (Food Network and Travel Channel) last night in anticipation of a long, sunny(?) weekend coming up and while I was scrolling through my guide Sports Center ended and a show called Dream Season came on. It's basically a show that follows Kobe Bryant and Lebron James from the Olympics last summer, through the regular season this year, and into the post-season. I honestly thought it was just a commercial for a playoff series (which one I did not know - the BJ's are in the West remember) and then I found out these two teams are from opposite conferences and just starting their Conference Championships...talk about jumping the gun NBA! Either way, when I was done recording episodes of Guy's Big Bite I actually continued watching Dream Season through to the end. It was pretty amazing. I am by no means a basketball fan, but I was drawn in by what giant stars these two guys are - I never really knew the extent until yesterday. But obviously, my thoughts returned to hockey. And the Flyers.

The Flyers haven't had a player finish in the top 10 in scoring since Mark Recchi posted 91 points in the '99-2000 season (can't count Oates' 14 games in '02). 91 points, which was good enough to land Recchi third in scoring, isn't exactly domination. So, who was the Flyers last dominant player? (Before you answer that I'll concede that Peter Forsberg was amazing during his career, and when he was on the ice for the Flyers he was a good player who had some flashes of Peter the Great-ness, but he was winding down.) The answer's easy, even though a lot of you probably don't want to admit it for some misguided reason. Do you remember this era?

Maybe part of it's because I was younger back then and absolutely loved hockey. I didn't even know what a parking ticket was or how those stains got out of my shirts, I just knew I loved watching and playing hockey. But the other part is that it felt like performances like these might happen every game. Eric Lindros, from 1992 -1998, was the most dominant forward in hockey. My definition of "dominant" includes a power forward aspect that Lemieux, Jagr, Selanne, Kariya, and others who were perennially in the top ten in scoring lacked. Because it wasn't just about scoring, like it isn't with Kobe and Lebron, it was that feeling that something was going to happen. Every single shift.

The Flyers certainly don't have a player like that now. I tend to notice Carter and Richards each shift, but I'm not waiting for every one of there shifts like 20k Flyers fans were doing every game in the '90's. And they're certainly not dominating - just kind of....around and playing well. But then I look around the NHL and wonder who would be a Lindros-esque kind of player that could deliver that kind of excitement. Ovechkin is the obvious choice, and would look great in a Flyers jersey, but it's never going to happen. Crosby and Malkin are too ugly and play too gentle of a game. Datsyuk might be a good fit, but is lacking that physical element as well.

It's difficult, if not impossible, to say when we'll have our next Lebron or Kobe. And maybe we don't need one. Maybe a cast with a few very good players will be good enough to get us back on top. But it would be exciting to have that one great player to rally around, and a few good players to support him. Philadelphia is a city that places a lot of expectations on its players individually. Even when the Eagles are in first place Donovan can still be getting torn to shreds. Same goes for Ryan Howard or J-Ro. It'd be fun to have a player in the Orange and Black that could exceed those expectations and lift the city onto his back. Who knows what moves could happen in the next couple years to make this happen. Bobby Clarke was drafted in 1969. Eric Lindros was traded for in 1992. Maybe somewhere in Ontario, or Switzerland, or New Jersey some 13 year-old is shooting pucks against a wall right at this very moment, unknowingly preparing for his life as the Flyers center piece and the NHL's most dominant player.

Do You Think We Could Be Friends?

Derian Hatcher, who I suppose will continue to be referred to as a Flyers defenseman for 6 more weeks, made an appearance at Barnum and Bailey's Circus last week and apparently participated in some on-stage buffoonery with the third guy from Will & Grace. Not only did he appear under the big top, but Hatcher also dined with circus performers(i) and fans before the performance. Usually I'd take a couple sentences to imagine what Derian Hatcher looked like eating a Pizza Hut Pasta Bowl between the bearded lady and a big, bald, mustachioed man with tattoos of ships on his hairy biceps, but today I'm not as concerned with those freaks as I am with the other ones that were on hand.

Do you, as a Flyers fan, really want to spend time with them as individuals? I could see going to the Flyers Carnival and staring at the players from a couple feet away because there is no promise of one-on-one contact, and probably great deals on crab fries. But do you really want to go to an event that is mandatory for these guys and then make them talk to you? I'm sure you've been trapped in elevators or stuck in Wawa with people you should(i) be talking to enough times to know that it's no fun to create a conversation where one actually should not exist. And these guys aren't Tony from accounting or your neighbor Rocko. These guys are multimillionaire studs who you cheer for. You actually applaud them and yell for them and follow them in the news. If I had cornered one of these guys into asking me where I work the humiliation I'd feel on account of putting them in that position would smother me. You think Joffery Lupul gives a shit that you work in marketing for some tile company?

Which brings me to this guy. Fred LaCava...what are you thinking? On some base level you're probably thinking that you like golf and you like Braydon Coburn, but I cannot even attempt to take a guess at why you think mixing the two things would be a good idea. I like puppies and I like sex, but I don't have any plans on mixing the two in the near future. As opposed to the Flyers fan that gives a player a fighting chance to keep the conversation flowing at a crowded table with a large audience for jokes and transition comments, you wanted to hang out with Braydon Coburn the entire day....alone. You won an auction that might as well have been for a grand prize of entering a 5 hour staring contest with Danny Briere. Did you tell him about your job at Softmart, Inc., Downingtown's leading wholesaler of computers/peripherals? Was he pumped? Did he say "nice swing, LaCavla. I think I might get a LaCavla golf jersey!" Did he ask for your cell number as he polished off a bag of tiny bag of chips at the club house? And what did you pay? I mean, I know the computers/peripherals industry is booming, but apparently there's some sort of recession going on, in case you haven't heard.

I might have to chalk this type of behavior up to "things I'll never understand." Because to me, a beautiful day on the links with my friends or family would be infinitely more valuable than the memories I'd carry to the grave of the day I paid a professional athlete to hang out with me.

Deshawn the Beef Patty Thief

(another entry in our Slow Summer Series, posts about life outside the rink)

Every Monday I leave work at 10:30, head west on 49th street, traverse Times Square, and eventually end up in front of Public School 5A. I do this because I participate in a program called Reading is Super in which volunteers are paired up with students for an afternoon of reading. It wasn't too long ago that I was making this trip for the first time, unaware of the student that awaited my arrival.

15 minutes after I passed through the revolving doors at 1661 Avenue of the Americas I was standing in front of the three sets of double doors that lead into PS 5A. My first test. There were no carvings or bulletins that might indicate which set of doors would lead me to my desired location. No set of doors was ajar, none looked more used than the others. What if I wandered into the girls locker rooms by mistake? Why would they have outside doors leading directly into the girls' locker rooms? Wait, what elementary schools have locker rooms?

"You have to open them to get in."

I snapped out of my deduction stupor to see a female security guard, with her hat siting entirely on the crown of her head, gesturing towards the middle doors with a lit Newport Light.

"Oh, ha."

I took two steps forward, opened the doors, and breached a cacophony of giggles, screams, and squeaking sneakers. Not sure what to do, I took one step to the left and planted.

"You have to sign in."

The same security guard walked by and sat, with her knees slightly under her chin, behind a child's desk with only a binder and a chewed pencil resting on it. I walked over to her, leaned over, picked up the pencil, and stood motionless. There were no headings and I was the first to sign in. Given free range I promptly wrote my name, signed my name, added the time - 10:55, and for some reason my birthday. All in dulled pencil. When I finally got back to my spot, before I could even turn around, the security guard shot a zinger off my back.

"You're 25? That's great. We'll note it in our files."

She then laughed to herself but in my direction, shaking her head slowly and deliberately. I shrugged, raised my eyebrows, and closely examined the paint on the basketball nets.

I've always been a little hesitant to volunteer with kids due to the unfounded fear that they might not like me. So it's not surprising that I had a list of questions written in my head that were designed to engage my student. Questions that I think I would have liked to been asked when I was 7 - mostly about sports and school. I leaned against the wall and reviewed these questions incase we hit a rut. As I was covering my possible responses to an expressed interest in drawing I turned to see an adult walking a tiny 2nd grader directly towards me. As they got closer it became evident that they were indeed heading for me.

"Hi, you must be Frank. Frank this is Deshawn."

I remember being shy and unwilling to shake hands as a child, and although I was worried he wouldn't return the gesture I stuck my open hand out towards him.

"Hi Deshawn."

He looks me directly in the eye and his arms moves ever so slightly. Relief washes over me. I went out on a limb and it didn't break. However, instead of his little hand he sticks his lunch tray directly in my hand and runs a quick half-circle around me to the book cart. Not what I was hoping for, but at least he made my gesture purposeful and didn't leave me awkwardly standing there not holding anything. After fishing around for a while he pulls out a book that seems decent enough , 101 Places to Visit Before You're 12, and takes off up the stairs.

By the time I catch up to him he's already sitting at a cluster of desks in classroom 312. I place his tray down on the desk in front of him, remove my coat, and pull up a miniature ceramic chair. For the next couple minutes we exchange pleasantries. With minimal prodding I discover that he's 7 and his birthday's in July which leads me to tell him mine is also in July, but I can't tell if he cares. When I ask him where he's from he says Queens (in subsequent weeks I discover that Deshawn is willing to respond to this question with any borough, state, or country ranging from Alabama to China - Chinatown being the #17 place that you should visit before you're 12). I can't remember even one question from the list I had committed to memory 3 minutes ago so we turn to the reason I'm here, the hardcover book sitting in front of us.

In the orientation for this program they made us watch a video that was one part instructional and one part promotional. In this video they specifically stated, multiple times, that you should begin by reading to your student. In the session we even went as far as to have two people role play the experience, which always makes me shudder with embarrassment. Well, I'm not 3 lines into Place number 1, The Wonder of Windmills when Deshawn blurts out "You know, sometimes it's better when you can read for yourself and you don't have people just saying stuff to you." That one pierced the armor a bit but I tilt the book towards him and off he goes.

Eventually we're taking turns reading, just like I had always pictured it would be. When not reading, Deshawn is poking at his Jamaican beef patty and not paying attention, which actually doesn't really concern me because I don't think he's paying attention even when he is reading. I don't exactly remember what my reading level was in second grade, but Deshawn sounds more like he's reading off a grocery list of words that he has to pick up on his way home from school than combining them to form sentences and paragraphs. I choose to focus on the pronunciation of the words on his list rather than try to explain the finer points of sentence structure. Why this doesn't bother me is that it's between the places that he has to go before he's 12, many of which I've never been to, that we are really making a connection. I ask him if he's ever been to a zoo and he tells me it's 100 degrees in zoos. I push on, asking if he's been to the Central Park Zoo and seen the penguins and he tells me it's zero degrees where penguins live. Actually, this is how Deshawn defines everything - hot and cold. It's cold in baseball stadiums, hot in ghost towns. It's hot outside if he can see the sun when he's staring out the window not listening to me and cold if it's overcast. I think I might have a little meteorologist on my hands!

Every once in a while, when things seem to be going well, I like to take a moment to look around and appreciate it. I do this in almost every aspect of my life. Not so much to enjoy the moment but moreso for when things actually are going terribly I can look back to a distinct time when things were going well and find some comfort. I should have done this before starting section 4.

It's in the middle of "Superlatives" that everything starts to head downhill, quickly. As I'm trying to explain to Deshawn what a superlative is by referencing pictures of the highest mountain and the oldest tree the program monitor comes around and changes my relationship with Deshawn with two statements:

1- "Deshawn, eat your Jamaican beef patty."

2 - "We're starting the reading competition this week. Hmmm, let me see that book. Ok, we'll count 4 places as a chapter. For every chapter you read you get a gold star and the student with the most gold stars at the end of the year gets a prize."

Upon hearing this I think little Deshawn made a Jamaican beef patty in his Levi's. It was as if his eyelids were connected directly to the wheels in his head which were connected to his mouth - eyes light up, wheels start cranking, mouth opens - "Maybe you should read." It's easy to see that his thoughts are now cluttered with the promise of prizes and his new goal is transparent. I understand that regardless of how I've pictured this experience there is now one reason I'm here in Deshawn's mind - to get him that prize. What does the school system care if I don't take the time to teach him the intricacies of Roman Numerals. Or if this leads him to think there have been eleven World Wars instead of two. The fact is that I now have even less time to focus on helping him read and I have to pick my battles.

I flip the page from the unfinished superlatives with a new agenda and begin to read about lighthouses. Deshawn, perpetually off in his own world, casually takes his Jamaican beef patty and dumps it in his back pack. He then reaches in to the same bag, I assume to take the beef patty out, and pulls out an unopened box of girl scout cookies. Thin Mints! He mater-of-factly opens the box and I continue to read with one eye one him in disbelief. Am I supposed to say something? I'm fairly certain this is not proper behavior, but this is an issue I've always had with other people's kids - you never know what kind of rules they have at home. Maybe before he left school his mom said "Now Deshawn, bring me home your lunch and eat these cookies instead." Highly unlikely I know, but not impossible. Who am I to tell this kid what he can and can't do? I spend 50 minutes a week with him! So I just keep reading about lighthouses. Not even pretending to listen anymore he takes three thin mints out, stacked like a thin mint sandwich, and shoves them all in his mouth. It's at this point I stop reading and look directly at him.

"Deshawn, are you allowed to eat those cookies without finishing your lunch?"

There are crumbs all over his face and the desk. It takes him over a minute to finish whatever cookie actually made it into his mouth. When he finally finishes he wipes his face with his shirt, pushes the crumbs onto the floor, and says - "I did eat my lunch. Keep reading." I don't know if he's strong-arming me, so ADD he forgot, or just messing with me. But I turn back to the book and get him through 5 chapters.

We don't take the time to discuss whether or not either of us has been to an artists' studio (cold), a watering hole(hot), or a trash dump (hot), but the fifth of 5 stars is being placed next to Deshawn's name on the huge yellow poster board as the bell rings. We've done well and I feel bad about it. Our closest competitor only has two stars and the monitor, who put me in this position mind you, is giving me the evil eye. But Deshawn seems pleased. Like a rocket he takes off down the hall and then stairs, me jogging to keep up with him. Little kids are swimming past me in all directions and I lose him momentarily until we find each other at the book cart. He places the book on the second row at the very edge with purpose, turns and says "See you next week, Frank." As my name hangs in the air of the gym/cafeteria at PS 5A I promise myself we'll read even faster next week. We'll cheat if we have to. I'm winning this kid that prize.

Goal of the Year or Goal of the Choices?

So the Flyers want the fans (that's you, punk) to vote for the best goal of the year. The only problem is that they've given you ten choices and the best goal of the year is not one of them. There's the Carter post-smoke bomb OT deflection against the Devils, Gagne clapper against the Pens, Powe redirection against the Thrashers, and a number of other goals you could probably picture without having to see the clip. What there isn't is a choice called "Braydon Coburn Finally Puts It In" from the shift that affectionately was known as "the shift" during the season.

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(anyone know of a version that will make me feel drunker? not that I'm drunk...just sayin'. what are you looking at?)

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That was all the highlights of the season of the season rolled into a little over a minute. And now the Hurricanes and Penguins are in the Conference Finals. Gross. Has to make you wonder what the point of even scoring a goal like that is when Carolina is going to face the Penguins for a chance to go to the Stanley Cup and the Flyers are all probably in Cabos. I guess the point is to earn the money to be able to go to Cabos and drop $10,000 a day without blinking.

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God Damn professional athletes.

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Side note - I want an Army "barber" to cut the team's hair at the beginning o next season. No personalities, just a winning machine.

I'm going to punch Sidney Crosby...

Punch his videogame likeness at least! Oh man, did I get you good? EA & NHL10 promises over 200 'improvements' , including after whistle scrums! I'm already pumped for it, and I promise you Flyer fans, I'll get Crosby for all of you. Even if it means I get a misconduct. It's the least I can do. Check out the full story here.

I Think The Lead Singer of The Fray Called Me a Pussy Last Night

So throughout the summer I'm going to use this space not only for radical Flyers news like this - Claude Giroux could score on a net with both Ed Belfour (Chicago Blackhawks days) and a shooter tutor guarding it - but also when I'm feeling re-bored. If you're not familiar with the terms I make up in my head, re-bored is when I go to look at the internet and am bored by all the sites I check, and then think "maybe I should do some work" before I become bored again by even the thought of that. So I'm left sitting here, re-bored and staring at the calendar on the wall of my cube.

While the hockey news comes slowly during the summer weird thoughts to my brain do not. If anything they might increase in frequency. Like the fact that since I've started using milk in my coffee at work I've been opened up to a whole new medium in which my co-workers choose to express what idiots they are by not being able to perform simple human tasks like properly opening a milk carton or not storing food in envelops. Sandwiches in envelopes you would mail a card in. I'm serious. I don't want to live in a world that has salad dressing bottles wearing post-it's, but alas, I do. And this is just one of the many things that are out of my control in this life.

Making promises like this on blogs is a dangerous business. Telling people about a new segment or what you plan on doing often ends in stale sites when the writer decides 'fuck that shit" a week after declaring his intent. So we'll see how this goes.

I Think The Lead Singer of The Fray Called Me a Pussy Last Night

I generally don't regard myself as an asshole. But when I'm out at the bar (moreso in my younger days) and I confuse the warmth of the booze flowing through my veins for a spotlight shining down on me in my one man show I tend to breach the bounds of my usually conservative nature. I play right into the scripted behavior of Buzzed and Funny Guy Number 1. Yeah, I don't like it either.

If I saw a famous person on the street I probably wouldn't even give them a second glance. For some reason I just don't want to give them that satisfaction. The fact that I can avoid the mob mentality that leads to pictures and autographs is a bonus. Which is why it's strange that when I saw the lead singer of the band The Fray last night I shouted out "Hey, hey...are you an albino?" I turned away to bathe in the laughter of the group I was with when one of my friends informed me that the piano man himself had just called me a pussy. The guy from The Fray. He sings all those songs from Grey's Anatomy. He saw my bet and then raised me. And it didn't feel good. Not in the "what'd you say?" way, but in "god damnit he's right."

The whole thing started when I was in Best Buy the other day and I saw the beginning of The Fray's most recent (maybe) video on like 45 screens at once. Whichever song it was he's sitting on the open gate of a pick up truck in the dark while it's raining and he just looks awful. He looks like a soaked, dead, singing albino. And I was drowning in it. And then no less than a week later I run into the guy - what kind of luck is that. I can't win $2 on a scratch ticket but I can find the lead singer of The Fray within a week of being grossed out by his saggy white skin.

Then I'm in a bar, on a string of great jokes and having a good time, and got a little too big for my britches. I admit it. But when you decide you want to get famous you're asking for that kind of treatment. You think Screech doesn't get an earful when he goes to the bar? Exactly. It's always shocking when your pet bites you. And that's what the lead singer from The Fray did. He didn't sit inside my television and incur my ridicule like he's supposed to, he broke the 4th wall and directly addressed the audience. And that's why I am calling foul on him. I was the goon but I don't care if celebrities think they're real people - they're not. They're toys for us hard-working Americans to discuss over open-faced turkey sandwiches.

I don't come on to his stage and call him a pussy during the middle of a show when he's moaning "How to Save a Life." He shouldn't come onto my stage, otherwise known as the real world, and interrupt when I'm totally ripping on him for my audience. It's just plain rude.

Cliff's Flyers Spark Notes

If you're really super bored (which you must be if you've ended up here) then feel free to pass the next few minutes reading our opinions on what's been going on in the NHL since the Flyers crushed our dreams.

Caps- Pens are at 2-1 - I'm not sure how Penguins fans can stand watching that team. They're just a stale, boring story. The only thing I've taken from the series so far is that apparently cross-checking a goalie in the neck is a legal play in the NHL. You hear that Daniel Carcillo? Feel free to cross check any goalie you want in the throat all next season.

A Couple Months Ago - The Phillyist said they needed a sports writer. We said we'd be happy to contribute some actual Flyers coverage. They never got back to us. Stupid fucking hippies - let's all work from Starbucks and listen to The Mountain Goats!

Some Kid In Pittsburgh - A teenager in Pittsburgh got all high on Primanti Brothers sandwiches and wrote that he was going to kill Ovechkin on a message board. And the police got involved. Mainly do to the fact that pussy-ass Caps fans pushed the issue. Give me a fucking break. Was O.V. nominated President when I wasn't looking? Or is this actually Russia? That would make sense seeing as the 1st Amendment is actually no longer in effect, apparently. Notice to every kid with an X Box: Do not verbally commit to killing anyone. Whether it be in Halo or a game of NHL 09. You'll be facing 4 to 5 years. Of ridicule after being "warned" by police. (Sidenote: I want my police out there aresting mother fuckers! Not going around warning kids about how internet!)

Ray Emery - I don't give a shit who's in net next season. I think Martin Biron is a nice guy but I have trouble feeling bad for multimillionaires who don't know the pains of spending ten hours a day inside of a cubicle. What I require from a goalie is very simple - put on all that equipment and get in the fucking net. If they take up at least 2/3 of the cage then they're bound to stop at least 4 out of 5 shots. It's called math, Niel Patrick Harris.

The Western Conference - We all know what's going to happen so why not just let the Wings rest until someone limps into the Stanley Cup Finals from the East?

The Coyotes - Has anyone else been secretly wondering whether or not there's a hair of a chance that all of the Coyotes deadline deals would be nullified if the NHL actually did have a hand in their pants back in March? I do entertain that thought but then I realize I'm only interested in seeing Scottie Upshall return because he's so hot. And then I picture the 65 fights Daniel Carcillo is going to have during the regular season next year while Riley Cote sits out with swine finger flu.

84 - I think the Flyers are one crazy number away from winning the Stanley Cup. I've long been a proponent of guys picking traditional jersey numbers, but I think it's time for a change. The Flyers are pretty prude when it comes to picking numbers. Luca Sbisa's 47 was kind of outlandish, but we need to go further. Seal said it - we're never going to survive unless we get a little crazy. Seal said it on ice. And if you understand that joke you were as hung over as I was on New Years Day. 93,51,87,58,82,71,52 are numbers that are still in the playoffs. Point Proven. I should be a lawyer.

Atlantic City - Did the Flyers have a year-ending bash yet? Have they been out at bars in the city? They must have taken a couple Phillies games in, right? Has anyone gotten boned by them? I bet one of you out there did. And I bet your name is Fran.

Being Better Than Everyone - Yes, it's difficult. We are like the Good Will Huntings of Flyers Blogging. Travis, who we hate out of jealousy for having his blog on both Yahoo! and now the NHL website after we're like HOV and he's all new to the .....anyway, has given out some grades for some of the Flyers so far. Because he's in college. And in college you get grades. He gave Jared Ross a C yesterday. Jared called Travis this morning and said "I make 1/2 a million a year. Grade that pussy. A+."

The World Championships - The US bounce Sami and Lasse from the Worlds earlier this week and are actually playing Russia at 10:15 this morning. Their win over Finland was surprising. If they beat Russia it would truly be shocking, seeing as Russia already handled them 4-1 earlier in the tournament. Kyle Okposo is leading the team with 14 Swiss hookers banged in 12 days. Who wants to meet up at a bar in 30 minutes and watch it?!?

Something that's driven me nuts all season - You're a fucking sports website, Sports Illustrated. I know hockey ranks just below curling on your radar but clean up your act. These pictures are a joke:

Something tells me John Stockton firing off a bounce pass isn't all over your Utah Jazz page. The jerseys are hard enough to look at, but Joni Pitkanen? Really?

But where is the purple?

Flyers TwitPic gave us this glance at the latest 'Adirondack Phantoms' jersey. The back is wierd, but overall not a bad upgrade.

Samsonite! I Was Way Off!

Sam Carchidi’s latest masterpiece reads more like a transcript from a drunken 3AM call to 610 then the work of a sports reporter writing for the bankrupt (will there be any left?) Philadelphia Inquirer. “Let’s trade Riley Cote for Wayne Gretzky and Barack Obama, man!” It’s a little much to take. Carchidi, who I generally find to be the least archaic of the Flyers beat writers, is suggesting that maybe the Flyers should, and will, start their season with both Jay Bouwmeester and Mike Komisarek in the orange and black. I’m not kidding; this is what his 2009-10 starting defensive corps looks like:

Bouwmeester – Komisarek
Timonen – Parent
Coburn – Carle

Should they just host the All-star game in Philadelphia then? Thank God they’ve decided to double the salary cap from this past year. Oh wait…they didn’t. As a matter of fact most analysts think that the cap will remain static this summer and shrink the following one. But Carchidi is not entirely crazy and unaware of this issue, which is why he suggests that we trade Joffery Lupul, Randy Jones, and a #1 pick to the Panthers for the rights to Bouwmeester. This would be similar to off-season moves of Flyers summers past, except we’ve only ever given up our own unrestricted free agents or draft picks we’ve acquired in trades. Sammy is suggesting we trade an overpaid possible 30 goal scorer that we just signed for 4 years, an overpaid and immobile defenseman, and our only #1 pick from this or next year’s draft for the rights to a defenseman that we should have just as much chance to sign on the free market. But his point that we need to shed some salary does not fall on deaf ears. It’s just how ho we go about doing that…

By signing Mike Knuble of course. The 37 year old veteran has averaged 30 goals over his last 3 full seasons, but it’s time to change the guard on the first line. If Knuble would consider signing for 3rd line money and filling a third line role I’d consider bringing him back. As much as I like him, he’s limiting the dynamic capabilities of the first line. If I’m Paul Holmgren and John Stevens, which I secretly am, here’s what my forward lines look like next year:

Gagne – Richards – Giroux
Hartnell – Carter – Lupul
Knuble – Briere – van Riemsdyk
Carcillo – Powe – Asham

Carchidi’s lines include Jared Ross, John Kalinski, and Daniel Carcillo on the third line with Giroux and Powe. That‘s the perfect line if we want Giroux to get 20 points next year. I think we all saw what this kid has to offer in our abbreviated playoff run. On that first line he’s going to put up 60 to 70 points, in a very different fashion than Mike Knuble would.

The second line led the way offensively in 08-09. I think their 105 goals is deserving of another year together. I like the look of that fourth line too. Powe is emerging into a dependable NHLer and Carcillo and Asham have a great mixture of random goal scoring capability and toughness. The third line might come as a little bit of a surprise.

James van Riemsdyk is starting the year with my Flyers club next year and will have to lose his spot. His 11 games with the Phantoms weren’t that impressive, but it’s a difficult situation to come into from college. He needs to come into next September’s training camp in the best shape of his life and in better shape than everyone else on the team. If that means he’s racing horses with Claude Giroux all summer or penis pressing 250 lbs. so be it. He’s a cheap asset to add to this club that could provide some real scoring when paired with a play-making center. Mike Knuble can pick up all these guys’ garbage for half price if he’s amiable.

Back to the only real move the Flyers have to make this summer (no not picking up an old man to play center and win face-offs 3 times a game), landing Jay Bouwmeester would obviously be a huge signing. Something’s telling me it’s not going to happen though. Whatever Homer does, I think it was fairly apparent towards the end of the season that giving Randy Jones $3M was the worst move of the Flyers GM’s free spending summers of the past. We might have to trade Jones for a 7th round pick or simply buy him out in order to get him off the roster. If we drop Alberts, Jones, and Biron that might be enough to sign Bouwmeester, or at least one of Komisarek, Beauchemin, or Leopold. Luca Sbisa is ready to play in the NHL. And even if he’s not, he’s going to. It’s time to move forward with the future and stop signing plugs. How’s this suit you for next season:

Timonen – (One of those 4)
Coburn – Carle
Sbisa – Parent

Now onto goalie. Simple solution – sign Nitty for 2 years at $1.5M and get him a back up. An obvious backup. It will be unfortunate to see one of the nicest guys on the team leave but we simply can’t afford him. And we’ve proven that even a good goalie won’t be great when you feed him to the wolves every night. We need to focus on defense and get a reliable, decent goalie. Nitty is at least that, and affordable.

I’m sure I’ll change my mind 400 times over the summer. And when the Flyers bring back Jarislov Modry at the league minimum, I’ll eat my words. But you get 70 games in with the lineup I’ve laid out above and your going to win 73 of them.

Still Fighting....

I wrote "Flyers Contacts" yesterday and thought it was funny. It's kind of an undefined notion, but pretty much anyone that had anything to do with the Flyers I tend to keep an eye on. Like Bryan Berard, for instance. The guy never dressed in a regular season game but I liked the fact that he wanted to, so I followed him off-and-on through his KHL season. Now there's a flipside to it too, like take Ruslan Fedetenko for instance. There's only so much I can take. First the guy was BF-ing us as a member of the Lightning and now as Penguin? I've had enough of that shit. But there are some former Flyers and Flyer contacts that still have a chance of getting their name engraved on the cup this year.

Ossi Vaananen - Ossi only played in 3 games after the Canucks pinched him off waivers back in February. He's surely not pleased with that, but while the rest of the Flyers he started the season with are miniature golfing he got to watch a stellar hockey game last night for free!

Ben Eager - I don't know how he did it, but he managed to score 11 goals this regular season. I'll tell you how many goals he's going to score in Game 2 against the Canucks - zero. There's no doubt that Eager is going to be suspended for his like elbow to the head of Vancouver's Rick Rypien.

Patrick Sharp - As chronicled many times in this space, giving up Patrick Sharp for the security code for Sputnik was one of Bobby Clarke's greatest worst mistakes, and one of Sheryl Crowe's favorite.

Rod Brind'Amour - I still can't believe the Hurricanes came back and won that game. But The Bod is now only 12 wins away from his second Stanley Cup since leaving the Flyers. Hope there's no lesson to learn in that....

Michael Leighton - You didn't think I'd catch you Michael? It doesn't matter that you only played 4 games as a Flyer during the worst season of our history and are currently backing up Cam Ward...I'm watching all of you!

Joni Pitkanen - Did you guys see when Staal scored the second goal in the last minute the other night and was looking for someone to celebrate with and the closest person was Joni Pitkanen? That must have sucked because Staal jumped way up in the air and Joni just stood there - what a fart.

Dennis Seidenberg - stile rocking those stupid tuuks that look like roller blades. What else would expect from a German. Except for him and Patrick Thoresen to open a club where the dance floor is made of ice.

Mark Recchi - How is this guy still playing in the NHL? How did he get 61 points this year? His younger brother retired from hockey 16 years ago - take a hint Mark! If the Bruins can win the Cup Recchi will get a third ring, having won with the Penguins in '91 and the Hurricanes in 2006.

Mark Eaton - The Dick from Delaware, who will join the Wilkesbarre Scranton Yankees when the season ends, only dressed in 27 games for the Flyers before he became a traitor.

Ruslan Fedetenko - That's what happens when you let Russians play on your team. They learn all your secrets and then use them to knock you out of the playoffs every chance they get.

So we've got 1 Canuck, 2 Blackhawks, 4 Hurricanes, 1 Bruin, and 2 Penguins still pursuing the Stanley Cup. While our captain, who figures to look more like Edward Scissorhands next season than Bobby Clarke, is going under the knife.

Good times. Let's Go Caps, Bruins, Hawks, and Wings.