Simon Gagne Calls Parents, Goes Home

After only one night at Team Canada's Olympic Summer Camp Simon Gagne was using the camp's only pay phone to call his parents and ask them to come pick him up. He had originally approached counselor Mike Babcock saying that he thought he'd strained his groin and might need to leave camp, but later admitted to the nurse that he was suffering from a pretty serious case of homesickness. The nurse reported that the night before a camper (who will go unnamed except to say that it was probably Dion Phaneuf) was telling sexual ghost stories where ghosts and guys with hooks on their hands not only haunt their victims but feel up slutty girls and cause premature ejaculations until 2 in the morning. Point of clarification: he was telling those stories until 2AM, people were not ejaculating until 2AM. The same camper was handing out wedgies and calling people "virgins" just before the campers first on ice session yesterday morning.

In more (not all, puh-lease) seriousness, this better not be a significant injury. Even though it seems like every groin injury is season-ending these days just keep in mind Mike Richards' 3-4 week groin injury during March of 2008 when you're praying to Gary Betman for a speedy recovery. And you have to love how Gagne openly admits that he was not ready for this camp in a couple quotes he gave the AP:

"I thought it was going to be an easy practice, but the tempo was very fast right away during the very first drill. Guys were obviously trying to show their best. I had been skating back home for about two weeks but not at that high level. I kind of felt that it was getting a little bit tight on me, close to the hip and groin," he said.

Way to be Simon. You should open up your own pre-preseason training camp to help guys like me get in shape for this coming season. We can sit around doing nothing until the puck drops on October 2nd. You've got 5 and 1/2 weeks to get ready before you ruin my dream season you French-Canadian punk!