If you're really super bored (which you must be if you've ended up here) then feel free to pass the next few minutes reading our opinions on what's been going on in the NHL since the Flyers crushed our dreams.
Caps- Pens are at 2-1 - I'm not sure how Penguins fans can stand watching that team. They're just a stale, boring story. The only thing I've taken from the series so far is that apparently cross-checking a goalie in the neck is a legal play in the NHL. You hear that Daniel Carcillo? Feel free to cross check any goalie you want in the throat all next season.
A Couple Months Ago - The Phillyist said they needed a sports writer. We said we'd be happy to contribute some actual Flyers coverage. They never got back to us. Stupid fucking hippies - let's all work from Starbucks and listen to The Mountain Goats!
Some Kid In Pittsburgh - A teenager in Pittsburgh got all high on Primanti Brothers sandwiches and wrote that he was going to kill Ovechkin on a message board. And the police got involved. Mainly do to the fact that pussy-ass Caps fans pushed the issue. Give me a fucking break. Was O.V. nominated President when I wasn't looking? Or is this actually Russia? That would make sense seeing as the 1st Amendment is actually no longer in effect, apparently. Notice to every kid with an X Box: Do not verbally commit to killing anyone. Whether it be in Halo or a game of NHL 09. You'll be facing 4 to 5 years. Of ridicule after being "warned" by police. (Sidenote: I want my police out there aresting mother fuckers! Not going around warning kids about how internet!)
Ray Emery - I don't give a shit who's in net next season. I think Martin Biron is a nice guy but I have trouble feeling bad for multimillionaires who don't know the pains of spending ten hours a day inside of a cubicle. What I require from a goalie is very simple - put on all that equipment and get in the fucking net. If they take up at least 2/3 of the cage then they're bound to stop at least 4 out of 5 shots. It's called math, Niel Patrick Harris.
The Western Conference - We all know what's going to happen so why not just let the Wings rest until someone limps into the Stanley Cup Finals from the East?
The Coyotes - Has anyone else been secretly wondering whether or not there's a hair of a chance that all of the Coyotes deadline deals would be nullified if the NHL actually did have a hand in their pants back in March? I do entertain that thought but then I realize I'm only interested in seeing Scottie Upshall return because he's so hot. And then I picture the 65 fights Daniel Carcillo is going to have during the regular season next year while Riley Cote sits out with swine finger flu.
84 - I think the Flyers are one crazy number away from winning the Stanley Cup. I've long been a proponent of guys picking traditional jersey numbers, but I think it's time for a change. The Flyers are pretty prude when it comes to picking numbers. Luca Sbisa's 47 was kind of outlandish, but we need to go further. Seal said it - we're never going to survive unless we get a little crazy. Seal said it on ice. And if you understand that joke you were as hung over as I was on New Years Day. 93,51,87,58,82,71,52 are numbers that are still in the playoffs. Point Proven. I should be a lawyer.
Atlantic City - Did the Flyers have a year-ending bash yet? Have they been out at bars in the city? They must have taken a couple Phillies games in, right? Has anyone gotten boned by them? I bet one of you out there did. And I bet your name is Fran.
Being Better Than Everyone - Yes, it's difficult. We are like the Good Will Huntings of Flyers Blogging. Travis, who we hate out of jealousy for having his blog on both Yahoo! and now the NHL website after we're like HOV and he's all new to the .....anyway, has given out some grades for some of the Flyers so far. Because he's in college. And in college you get grades. He gave Jared Ross a C yesterday. Jared called Travis this morning and said "I make 1/2 a million a year. Grade that pussy. A+."
The World Championships - The US bounce Sami and Lasse from the Worlds earlier this week and are actually playing Russia at 10:15 this morning. Their win over Finland was surprising. If they beat Russia it would truly be shocking, seeing as Russia already handled them 4-1 earlier in the tournament. Kyle Okposo is leading the team with 14 Swiss hookers banged in 12 days. Who wants to meet up at a bar in 30 minutes and watch it?!?
Something that's driven me nuts all season - You're a fucking sports website, Sports Illustrated. I know hockey ranks just below curling on your radar but clean up your act. These pictures are a joke:
Something tells me John Stockton firing off a bounce pass isn't all over your Utah Jazz page. The jerseys are hard enough to look at, but Joni Pitkanen? Really?
Caps- Pens are at 2-1 - I'm not sure how Penguins fans can stand watching that team. They're just a stale, boring story. The only thing I've taken from the series so far is that apparently cross-checking a goalie in the neck is a legal play in the NHL. You hear that Daniel Carcillo? Feel free to cross check any goalie you want in the throat all next season.
A Couple Months Ago - The Phillyist said they needed a sports writer. We said we'd be happy to contribute some actual Flyers coverage. They never got back to us. Stupid fucking hippies - let's all work from Starbucks and listen to The Mountain Goats!
Some Kid In Pittsburgh - A teenager in Pittsburgh got all high on Primanti Brothers sandwiches and wrote that he was going to kill Ovechkin on a message board. And the police got involved. Mainly do to the fact that pussy-ass Caps fans pushed the issue. Give me a fucking break. Was O.V. nominated President when I wasn't looking? Or is this actually Russia? That would make sense seeing as the 1st Amendment is actually no longer in effect, apparently. Notice to every kid with an X Box: Do not verbally commit to killing anyone. Whether it be in Halo or a game of NHL 09. You'll be facing 4 to 5 years. Of ridicule after being "warned" by police. (Sidenote: I want my police out there aresting mother fuckers! Not going around warning kids about how internet!)
Ray Emery - I don't give a shit who's in net next season. I think Martin Biron is a nice guy but I have trouble feeling bad for multimillionaires who don't know the pains of spending ten hours a day inside of a cubicle. What I require from a goalie is very simple - put on all that equipment and get in the fucking net. If they take up at least 2/3 of the cage then they're bound to stop at least 4 out of 5 shots. It's called math, Niel Patrick Harris.
The Western Conference - We all know what's going to happen so why not just let the Wings rest until someone limps into the Stanley Cup Finals from the East?
The Coyotes - Has anyone else been secretly wondering whether or not there's a hair of a chance that all of the Coyotes deadline deals would be nullified if the NHL actually did have a hand in their pants back in March? I do entertain that thought but then I realize I'm only interested in seeing Scottie Upshall return because he's so hot. And then I picture the 65 fights Daniel Carcillo is going to have during the regular season next year while Riley Cote sits out with swine finger flu.
84 - I think the Flyers are one crazy number away from winning the Stanley Cup. I've long been a proponent of guys picking traditional jersey numbers, but I think it's time for a change. The Flyers are pretty prude when it comes to picking numbers. Luca Sbisa's 47 was kind of outlandish, but we need to go further. Seal said it - we're never going to survive unless we get a little crazy. Seal said it on ice. And if you understand that joke you were as hung over as I was on New Years Day. 93,51,87,58,82,71,52 are numbers that are still in the playoffs. Point Proven. I should be a lawyer.
Atlantic City - Did the Flyers have a year-ending bash yet? Have they been out at bars in the city? They must have taken a couple Phillies games in, right? Has anyone gotten boned by them? I bet one of you out there did. And I bet your name is Fran.
Being Better Than Everyone - Yes, it's difficult. We are like the Good Will Huntings of Flyers Blogging. Travis, who we hate out of jealousy for having his blog on both Yahoo! and now the NHL website after we're like HOV and he's all new to the .....anyway, has given out some grades for some of the Flyers so far. Because he's in college. And in college you get grades. He gave Jared Ross a C yesterday. Jared called Travis this morning and said "I make 1/2 a million a year. Grade that pussy. A+."
The World Championships - The US bounce Sami and Lasse from the Worlds earlier this week and are actually playing Russia at 10:15 this morning. Their win over Finland was surprising. If they beat Russia it would truly be shocking, seeing as Russia already handled them 4-1 earlier in the tournament. Kyle Okposo is leading the team with 14 Swiss hookers banged in 12 days. Who wants to meet up at a bar in 30 minutes and watch it?!?
Something that's driven me nuts all season - You're a fucking sports website, Sports Illustrated. I know hockey ranks just below curling on your radar but clean up your act. These pictures are a joke:
Something tells me John Stockton firing off a bounce pass isn't all over your Utah Jazz page. The jerseys are hard enough to look at, but Joni Pitkanen? Really?
posted by Ryan at
9:29 AM
9 Comments:
Everything in this post is accurate. Especially the boning part.
flyers faithful in dc have kind of a standing agreement with the caps this series. we cheer for them vehemently and TCOB when pens fans get uppity in the stands.
after this series ends (hopefully with a caps victory), all bets are off, and we go back to defcon 3 with those cocksuckers.
kind of like usa/ussr in WW 2, when you think about it. they even have russians, which makes the anology even sweeter.
USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!USA!
You guys are really hung up on Broad Street Hockey, huh?I read both you guys & him, but there's probably some type of rule against that. Sorry!
JD....the effing Caps CANNOT win this series...you understand?
I have only one standing agreement with the Caps ever, and that is that they choke on cock and die.
I have lived here my whole life and they have sucked that whole time...it's a horseshit hockey town and always will be.
The Pens are in our division...the Patrick...and deserve our support. Plus the further they go, the better we look.
We can't have any teams from the Relegated Division (AKA the SE) making any true noise. That goes for Carolina as well.
Don't go making agreements with Caps or Caps fans, JD, it makes you look weak.
Now grudgingly go put on your baby blue 87 Jersey and cheer for Pitt to even the series at home tonight.
When faced with a choice, always choose real hockey, JD. Not this fly by night, jenny come lately, rock the red charade that's going on in DC just because the Skins, Nats, and Bullets all suck.
Caps suck...
Chuck: I have considered your arguments and understood every one. However, I have to stick to my original rationale for a few reasons:
1) Better fans. Their bandwagon fans are far nicer (except for the one who hit carter with a beer bottle) than pitt's. Please note the term "nicer" is relative.
the hell it makes me look weak.
2) The enemy of my enemy is my friend. See WW 2 analogy above.
Screw, with both fists, the notion that it makes us/our conference look better. I lived in state college and had to deal with their half-witted fans.
conversely, would you cheer for dallas in the playoffs? Fuck and NO.
on a side note, you listed the "patrick" division. while it did kick ass to be there, also remember that the caps were in that division with us.
3) pensblog vs. japer's rink. Japers rink WIN.
4) washington has brashear. always loved when he played for us.
5) oveckin.
6) fuck pittsburgh. i will never wear any of their merch. and as for "real" hockey, please revisit game 2 of our series with them this year. they dove, held, and played the european way.
i fully reserve the right to cheer for carolina. still think brindamour got screwed here (or rather his wife did), and am always happy he got his ring.
JD...i have racked my brain and I don't know one single true Cap fan who has been there full-time every year since the 80s...there just aren't any. That is weak, and therefore cannot be sided with or supported.
And you know what, a majority of these fans have adopted the class of the UMD fans...which is to say none...they are overcompensating for their lack of history and dedication to the team with this faux fury...i favor the Pitt fans who have at least existed from the time they got trounced annually and missed the playoffs (pre-Lemieux)...
I cannot live in this town anymore if they win...i will have to move.
Brashear is a fucking turncoat...i hope he wears his Caps sweater when he gets ass-raped in prison after he retires by even tougher guys...
I don't welcome Caps onto the roster either...not interested in any product tainted by their system...Glen Metropolit was trash.
I read no other teams blogs...waste of time...and i hate those teams anyway..
To me, the Caps are Dallas...
You overlooked my relegation division comment...the SE...Hartford, the Caps, and 3 expansion clubs...we still are the Patrick right now minus our weakest link, the Washington Capitals...
And this is still with me even relenting a little and giving OV his due...he's a stud. Their first stud ever...
I am going to have to root for Boston to come back, and then Carolina...but Washington cannot advance past this round.
My nightmare: Chicago or Vancouver v Washington...even Anaheim v Washington...
agree to disagree.
i play hockey on a team full of caps fans in their 30-40s. they have been there awhile. one was even a stickboy for them in the 80s.
yeah, i heard the rumors about UMD fans. that bad, eh?
So let me ask you, if they've been there a while, how come Cap Center and then Verizon had 12K Flyers fans for every Caps-Flyers tilt until 2 years ago...
This evidence was visceral and indisputable, the Orange and Black rented out their building 2-3x a year...
That's what I am saying, this town thinks they know hockey because some shaggy fuck with no discipline lights up the highlight reels (and yes, I'd love to have him as a Flyer) and overstays his shifts and puts his D in poor position with his overagressive forechecking at times...
Yet, these fans don't have any idea about what their personnel is on the ice for...they just know goals, hits, and fights...
If they followed us, they'd be asking questions like why did Powe just dump it in on that psuedo 2 on 1...not knowing that his goal is to get it in deep and buy time, get a change...
Caps fans wonder where the glowing puck on Fox went...
Not real fans, don't deserve real respect...your few buddies aside...
MD fans are vulgar and take it too far, and some of the stuff I've heard about this post-season at the phone booth has been tantamount to that...
chuck-while the caps numbers were down, and they did not sell out the arena, there were caps fans who weathered the storm and still went to games. while i can't account for the fanship of all 9k caps fans who showed up for games back then, i can say that these guys were there.
and yeah, explaining hockey to the newbies (like my girlfriend) does indeed suck, but at least most admit their bandwagon style.
as opposed to the pitt fans. it's interesting that the numbers to the igloo were so low for multiple seasons, but yet everyone claims to have shown up for the games.
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