Is this News?

Fucking right it's news, unless you want to read one of the 87 articles on Philly.com about Pronger's long-term contract and how nothing eventful is going to come of the investigation except a new episode of CSI: Miami.
So remember playing soccer when you were a kid. Remember looking onto the field from the bench and seeing the coach's kid running around like a tazmanian devil kicking everyone in the shins and picking the ball up with his hands when the mood struck him? Yeah, he was good, which made it even harder to bitch about than if he sucked, but no one got to play the whole game except him. And why did he always get to take the penalty shots? God damned preferential treatment.

Now, you surely remember Ruslan Fedetenko. Started off with the Trenton Titans and we let him work his way up to the big club just so he could stab us in the fucking back with the Lighting and then stomp on our faces on the way to a second cup with the Penguins. That rosy-cheeked asshole has won 2 Stanley Cups in 6 NHL seasons since leaving the Flyers. Unbelievable. Anyway, as it turns out Ruslan Fedotenko, who will turn 31 in January, has two 18 year-old sons. I swear to God. For those of you who did not excel at math back at the old school house let me help you - Fedetenko was 13 when these kids were born.

Ok, they're his stepsons, but whatever. Nothing against the kids, but the NAHL is a tier lower than the the US's real Junior league, the USHL, and they're on the league's newest team, the Janesville Jets. Fedetenko went as far as to even come and hang in the stands during the weekend long tryout. I wonder if that had anything, at all, to do with those kids making that team. We'll know for sure when Janesville unveils it's marketing campaign for the upcoming seasons - "Come See the Amazing Fedetenko's!"

If you don't think there's a couple Midwestern fathers re-directing their homemade rockets from China back to Russia this week then you obviously don't know much about the Midwest and hockey.

(UPDATE: It gets way better. He met his wife while living with his host family when he was a teenager in the USHL. She was the daughter of the family he lived with and divorced her husband to be with him. If that is not screaming for an Rob Lowe - Rachel McAdams movie to be made then I don't know much about Hollywood. That new picture above is of her and him. Tell me she does not scream Levi's and gravy. Un-be-leivable.)