Monday, October 31, 2011

Friday, September 18, 2009

See that little cute guy up there? That's a Bloguin Penguin, not a Pittsburgh Penguin. If you're some how seeing him right now, and reading this, you've got to get your butt over to www.flyersgoalscoredby.com immediately before Fran crawls out of your monitor like the girl from The Ring and kills you. Just kidding - crawls out of your monitor and types that url in for you. Kind of like a friendly ghost.

Don't worry and make sure to breath into the paper bag. Everything will be explained to you the moment you get there. We've joined a blogging network and will give any reader who wants one free rides on our private jet. Which we also get to fly!

And just to remind you why you should come over there, we're playing the Hurricanes two weeks from today in the season opener. Do you remember
what we did to their fans last year? The promise of another post like this is a big enough carrot to get you over to our new spot. And to jam up your ass.

Come on over. The coffee's hot and so is your mom.


(Also, if you go to that link and are having trouble seeing the website it could just be that everybody's servers are catching up. Please see the instructions below:

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Dont ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Chorus:
Some day somebodys gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Dont you know?
Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Thingsll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
Youve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin your worries pass you by
Dont you think its worth your time
To change your mind?

(chorus)

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebodys gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Dont you know?
Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Wont you tell me now
Hold on for one more day cause
Its gonna go your way

Dont you know things can change
Thingsll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Cant you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I’ve been waiting my whole life to see that picture.

I can’t tell you much about the game except that the box score reads like a 2008-09 one would have – badly out shot and a lot of penalties, featuring Scott Hartnell. First there was a 1 next to the Flyers symbol on NHL.com but then came a 1, a 2, and finally a 3 next to the Red Wings symbol. And then the game moved to the “Final” section. That’s when I knew that they had lost. How’s that for a recap.

I also thought this picture was pretty funny/cool. If I could have shown this to you in May you would have thought I was quite the Photoshop wizard, but that is actually our team and I’m just a wizard in general. Funny...




My attention has already turned to tonight, because tonight is my first Flyers game of the new year and after that It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia premiers with an episode called “The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis” where I’ve been promised that Charlie will once again be playing the role of “lawyer.”

Is it too early to call out sick for tomorrow?

One thing is bugging me though - the Leafs had 5 fights last night. I hope that doesn’t mean they’re going to want to play more reserved tonight in London. Actually, there’s one name that hasn’t hit their fight card yet this pre-season which I doubt has gone unnoticed by Riley Cote, and that’s Colton Orr.

Shit.is.on.

(editorial note: shit.is.almost.on.)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Safe to say that there ARE indeed tickets still available for tonight’s game in Detroit. NHL tickets for under $8? Is somebody shittin’ me? If you live in Detroit how are you not scooping them up? Is there a Bill Laimbeer appearance at the 2500 Club or something? Is Train in town?

Two tickets in section 108 (Lower Level) in the 12th row are going for $28 a piece. Hockeytown, we had 2,000 people at a practice the other day. Watching drills. Get yo shit together.
I'm not sure how this snuck through my legs (Cechmanek joke!), but James van Riemsdyk was included in The 2009 Upper Deck NHL Rookie Photo Shoot at the end of August. Rabbit was among 14 high profile draft picks from the past couple years such as John Tavares, Victor Hedman, Colin Wilson, Eric Tangradi, and Matt Duchene. It's nice to know that Upper Deck has already slotted Rabbit into one of the Flyers starting spots this season. It's also nice to know that they told him to "pretend he was looking at the sexiest, slutiest sandwich he had ever seen" for his glamour shot.


Pre-season hockey is about one thing and one thing only - fighting. If you don't think John Stevens, and more likely Paul Holmgren, has the roster already carved out and are actually brining guys on this trip because they really need to see them in live action in order to make that decision than your crazier than a blogger who would try to guess what the lines might be for this upcoming season (see post below). Some guys will dress just because the organization wants to give them a taste, some will dress as a favor for all their contributions to the Phantoms, some will dress because they simply need bodies in order to rest the vets. It's like picking a dog at the pound - you don't really need to see what a labranodl can do out there in the puppy bowl because you already walked by him in his cage and knew he wasn't the dog for you.

So back to business. Tonight I'm hoping there are going to be 30 fights. The only problem is that since the days of Bob Probert and Joey Kocur the Red Wings have been starved for a decent fighter. In recent years Arron Downey and Darren McCarty have shed the protective hand gear when they had to, but the Red Wings have finished in the bottom three teams in fighting majors every season since 2002-03. In 2005-06 they had 17 fights all year! So I'm worried but I’m not because while I know Andy Delmore (yes, Andy Delmore) won't be dropping the gloves tonight they still have a couple guys who are fighting (ha!) for spots on the team and some other guys that might have to answer some hungry, young Flyer's call to the mat. Here are they few guys who might actually provide me with some man-on-man excitement:

Justin Abdelkader - in his first pro season out of college last year Abdelkader dropped the gloves 5 times in 76 games for the Red Wings AHL affiliate, the Grand Rapid Griffins.

Kris Newbury - this might be our best chance. He's had 97 fights in total during his 5 year OHL career and 6 year pro career, including an OHL win over Mike Richards in 2002 and an AHL win over OKT in 2005. He's only played a few NHL games in his career so you can be sure he's looking for any way he can to get up and stay up. He'd be the perfect piece of chum for Riley Cote to silence his critics with.

Daniel Cleary - he doesn't really mix it up at all, except the last time he did was with another guy who doesn't fight that much either - Chris Pronger.

And then we have a bunch of guys who have had a fight here and there in their careers and depending on their mood and needs could drop them, but most of the Red Wings we're going up against tonight are European imports with little to no edge. You think in Detroit of all places they’d buy American, or at least Canadian. I thought I was going to have a slightly longer list up there to at least give some hope to those that want to see Hartnell, Cote, Lappy, OKT, Asham, Clackson, Power, Bell, or Car Bomb let loose.

Well, I suppose I shouldn't give up hope. It is the pre-season, a magical place where even Mike Richards and Alexander Ovechkin can fight. So keep that in mind when you're listening to Chris Therien call the game tonight, because there’s a certain player trying out for the Wings who considers himself quite the tough customer:

UPDATE: Looks like the Flyers were thinking the same thing, as they're going with their Lady Byng setting:

Forwards: James van Riemsdyk, Jeff Carter, Scott Hartnell, Mark Bell, Blair Betts, Andreas Nodl, Mika Pyorala, Claude Giroux, Danny Briere, Krys Kolanos, Ian Laperriere, Jared Ross.

Defensemen: Matt Carle, Chris Pronger, Randy Jones, Ryan Parent, Oskars Bartulis, Joonas Lehtivuori.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Everyone is is doing it, so what the fuck.


Flyers
Gagne - Richards - Briere
Hartnell - Carter - Giroux
Carcillo - Laperriere - Rabbit
Powe - Betts - Asham


Pronger - Carle
Timonen - Coburn
Jones - Parent


Emery


Healthy Scratches: Riley Cote, Olle-Kristian Tollefsen, Jason Ward


As opposed to most I think JVR makes the team right out of camp. He's much bigger, stronger, and more American than Claude Giroux was under similar circumstances last year. Some people say he needs some seasoning but I say those people are card carrying, book burning Nazis. The reason Jason Ward makes the team is because he doesn't need to play. He's not getting any better. Some guys who are possibly better players do need to keep playing hockey, even if that needs to be in the AHL, to get into the groove. If Rabbit doesn't start off well he gets sent down and if no one's ready to come up Lappy moves to the wing, Betts moves up to the 3rd line, and Ward comes in as an NHL experienced 4th line center until something can be figured out. As far as defense goes Randy Jones will be well aware that OKT will be ready to step in for him at any moment. I think this will lead to some late season 2007-08 play and not as much time for OKT as those of us that want to seem him kick some ass would like.


Phantoms
Kolanos - Ross - Maroon
Pyorala - Matsumoto - Lalibirte
Dingle - Kalinski - Nodl
Kaspar - Rinaldo - Bellamy


Syvret - Ratchuk
Marshall - Bourdon
Lehtivuori - Sloane


Scratches and ECHL bound: Josh Belieau, Garrett Klotz, Matt Clackson, Oskars Bartulis, Sean Curry, Joey Mormina

The Phantoms are a lot more difficult to project, in a good way, because 8 or 9 of their forwards are almost there when it comes to playing 3rd or 4th line in the NHL. It's time to say goodbye to Klotz and Clackson. Neither are very good fighters and we don't need to waste time or space developing pugilists. Bartulis had his chance and didn't develop as needed and Curry and Mormina lose out because the Flyers seem to be interested in Sloane for some reason. And I don't really give a shit who the Phantoms goalie is. Unless it's me, then I would like to at least be warned.


There it is, you can stop wondering. If this is anything less than 100% correct when October 2nd comes I will move to Pittsburgh.


Oh yeah, almost forgot:


Yaroslavl Lokomotiv
Irgl - Yashin - Bell
Unconfirmed sources (Eklund) are reporting that Riley Cote is preparing to get a spiritual tattoo that he hopes will help his chances at making the Flyers this season. Apparently he's decided to turn to JC for some help on this one, as a list of his final choices have been leaked, and let me tell you, they are rather impressive:

(Click on the picture of a larger image)

Our personal favorite here, after many hours of deliberation, is the imposing "got jesus?" tattoo because it not only says what it means but it also implies that if you don't then you better get some. Or maybe even better, you're about to get some and Riley Cote's going to give it to you. It's a very aggressive point and that's the kind of Jesus attitude Cote needs to make the squad - Aggressive Jesus.

There were some other ones that we really like too including the "It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees" and "Jesus got nailed for my sins" options but we did not enjoy the sexual double entendres that these hinted at. We did however like the "Body Piercing saved my life" option because it was done very tastefully.

So Rockin' Riles needs your help! What should his next tattoo be?

One of the best days of the year is here. The day when the old, scratched up disk in my xbox gets retired to the Shelf of Fame, and replaced with this year's model. I'm talking of course about NHL10, EA Sports' hockey game that takes up as much of my free time as watching hockey does. There are reviews aplenty out there today, but seriously, if you are a puckhead, chances are you're reading this blog...and chances are you'll be in line at Gamestop tonight as soon as the work whistle blows. I'm pumped to see what the new look Flyers play like, and to start as many fights with Chris Pronger as possible. The demo was fun, but I freakin' hated playing the Wings/Penguins for the past 2 weeks. I need some Orange&Black. If you don't think the first thing I'm doing is dropping the gloves with Talbot and Carcillo, then you are sorely mistaken. If you're like me, you'll be playing this nonstop until May. There are some decent new modes, like the Battle for the Cup(just the playoffs), and also some nifty new gameplay features like board play and precision passing. It's enough to make me want to call out of work sick, tape up my thumbs, grab an orange soda and play until I puke.

So go get it already! And if you're playing on Xbox 360, send us an email and we'll get a FGSB group going for weekly battles over the innernette. Check out Puck Daddy's review as well as Metacritic's score.

And no, this isn't a sponsored post, although it feels like one. But shit, if Microsoft, EA or anyone else wants to throw me some Wawa shorti money, I'll talk about anything (except for children, I'm required by law not to talk about, to look at, to have, to build cool forts for, or to socialize with children).
Let's Go Flyers.

Last night we were testing out some new equipment here at the lab (equipment not referring to guns, unless you want it to, then e-mail us) and managed to catch this more or less mundane clip of a tussle between Orest Kindrachuk and Errol Thompson. Except, let me ask you a question: what do Orest Kindrachuk, Charles Manson, Judah Friedlander, Tom Jones’s mom, and Big Bird have in common?

This clip.

When you watch the clip below the first thing you’re going to see is Kindrachuk feed old Errol a couple hard right uppercuts. That’s fine. But as things start to calm down the calamity ensues. Right after Don Saleski moves out of the view of the camera you’ll notice what I believe to be, and our lab is still confirming, Charles Manson and one of his “family” members in the first row not once, but twice giving Orest the middle finger. What he was doing out of jail you’ll have to check with your local FBI agent.

Now you’re really going to have to pay attention because the next scene is mind-bottling. When the producer switches cameras, probably after recognizing Manson, you are confronted with a scene that will leave you baffled until they cut away to the Flyers bench. Sure, that’s the Toronto coach standing on the bench watching the scrum. But who is that next to him? Is that the captain of a boat? Are they maybe on a boat or does the assistant coach just like to dress up like a yacht captain? And now that I’m actually getting some time to digest this vision laid out before me, is that Judah Friedlander, formerly of Dave Matthews video fame and currently playing Frank on 30 Rock? Is that one of his funny hats?

The producer then cuts to the Flyers bench and momentarily everything is back to normal. Just a bunch of guys standing on the bench. And then they cut to a close up of Errol Thompson. Holy shit is that guy goofy looking. Hey honestly looks like the product of a one-night stand between Tom Jones’ mom and Big Bird. And not Don Saleski, the one from Sesame Street. No wonder Orest Kindrachuk wanted to punch that thing in the face – he probably figured he’d be helping him out.

Anyway, here’s the clip. I’ve prepared you as best I can. Keep in mind this is all with less than two minutes left in tied playoff game.


Monday, September 14, 2009


Because that's what it looks like you're getting. I was reading through some of Tim Panaccio's latests works and came across this little tidbit in the Loose Pucks section of his most recent article:


"Mark Bell, here on a tryout, said a two-way contract would not be acceptable to him. He said he plans on making the Flyers’ roster outright."


Well Mark Bell, I don't know if it's just Panaccio's wording but I'm not sure I like your attitude. I thought you might have a slight chance at making the team when you were the only real veteran try-out that was invited. But as soon as I heard Blair Betts was coming to town I thought "Mark Bell, your 41 AHL points from last season do not impress me but I'm sure you'll be a very good player for the Phantoms or some other AHL team." Now that you have stated that you will not accept a two-way contract I don't think you have much chance of joining the organization.


Since his DUI in 2007 Bell has been a shell of the player that had back-to-back 20 goal seasons for the Blackhawks. Unless he focused harder on hockey than I do on building birdhouses that look like real houses this summer I don't think Bell has much of a shot making any NHL club. And when you can't play in the show and you refuse to play in the A there's one league that's always waiting to welcome former NHLers with open arms and a bottle of vodka.


After the Flyers say "thanks but no thanks" Bell's agent will surely shop him around the league. But come November Bell will we wearing a Lokomotiv jersey and burying one-timers off the stick of Alexi Yashin without a doubt.
I watched an OHL preseason fight last night and was in one of my moods where I’m simply shocked that two players from opposing teams are allowed to assault each other in the middle of a game. As you know we love fighting here, but there is something about it that strikes me as a bit archaic and even barbaric. In this particular fight one of the kids was getting worked pretty well and had to leave the game because he was bleeding profusely from the side of his head. It didn’t seem very sportsmanlike to me.

Afterwards my mind drifted to thoughts of Don Sanderson, who died when his head hit the ice last year during a fight, and then Todd Fedoruk laying motionless on the ice after having his face re-broken by Colton Orr at the tail end of the 2006-07 season. What happens when an NHL player gets punched and dies? I know this question has often been used by anti-fighting advocates for years now, but seriously, what happens? I’ll tell you: the league will have to, if not forced by the legal systems of the United States and Canada then at least the NHL fan base, eliminate fighting all together. Change the penalty from a 5 minute major to a game misconduct with the length of suspension growing with each offense. The sad thing is we’ll eventually get to this rule change. The NHL addressed bench clears, third man in, instigating, and even considered addressing staged fights this off season. All of these rule changes have been reactionary, and when fighting is eliminated, whether it be this season or in 2077, it will be because a 22 year old from Toronto is dead.

What if before that happens someone starts karate chopping people? I’m serious. I went to the NHL website to check out the rule book, and while there are plenty of rules regarding how the fighting should be done, there’s none that really define a “fight” except as an event where punches are thrown:

47.1 Fighting – A fight shall be deemed to have occurred when at least one player (or goalkeeper) punches or attempts to punch an opponent repeatedly or when two players wrestle in such a manner as to make it difficult for the Linesmen to intervene and separate the combatants.

I am well aware of “The Code” that NHL players and pundits talk about incessantly, but I think it’s bullshit. The Code basically says that anything is justifiable if it was deserved, nothing more. Fight fair unless the circumstances call for something else. That’s not a code, that’s chaos.

So eventually some kid is going to start throat punching, which I think would end most fights pretty quickly, or literally karate chopping opponents in their faces. Will this lead to ultimate fighting gloves under hockey gloves? Will it lead to stoppages in play after players inform the officials they wish to fight, and then they can climb to the top of their podiums and joust like American Gladiators?

I would never vote to remove fighting from hockey. For whatever reason I’m willing to ignore my common sense just because it think it’s so entertaining. But ask me again when someone dies or ends up paralyzed. It might take that event to change my mind too, unfortunately.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Man, go to Rhode Island for a few days to break into Brian Boucher’s childhood bedroom and you sure do miss a lot. I’ve been poking around the internet and it looks like this is what’s happening, in case you were away from the web for the weekend as well:

- new/old jerseys revealed for the Winter Classic
- rookie win against the Caps with 4 Rabbit points and two crappy Clackson fights
- fitness testing yesterday
-all 59 guys, including Gagne, Maroon, Betts, and Bell were on the ice this morning for the first official full team skate of the season.
- games this week, including the Leafs on the NHL Network on Thursday
- cuts start next Monday and the team should be finalized by the 30th in preparation for opening night on October 2nd.

Is that about it?

The only real question on everyone’s mind and typewriters seems to be who the forwards are going to be that join Carter, Richards, Briere, Gagne, Lappy, Asham, Giroux, Carcillo, and Hartnell. The real contenders seem to be Betts, Powe, and Rabbit. From what I understand the Flyers only have 49 contracts so Betts might actually be a Flyer this year even though Homer prefers to leave some space between himself and any sort of restricting rules. I think Powe – Betts – Asham (with Cote in the press box) is a really strong 4th line so I wouldn’t mind seeing Homer make a move.

Getting back to what I missed, I have a question about the Winter Classic Jersey thing. I looked at the photos and the whole thing seemed a little weird. I mean, I could see the jersey through the ice so…. And none of the guys wanted to wear some event pants? Gagne serious with those Chucks? Either way, what happens when we need a new jersey for something else at some point down the road? We’re really raping this retro thing. Might have to go future next time. Like metal numbers and glow stick names or something. I guess be fine with any jersey they reveal for their next change/event as long as it has nothing to do with this:




And while I have you. Who is offering some serious coverage of this camp? I want to know what number Betts is wearing, I want to know if any of the guys got a little rough, I want to know where guys who are at camp on a tryout are staying and who’s paying for it. Is anyone attending camp and really giving the detailed scoop? If you happen to know please holler at me in the comments.

Friday, September 11, 2009

I did it! As I write this on my Blackberry I'm hiding in Jon Kalinski's bag dressed like a fisherman. I know you said if I was hiding I didn't need a disguise but I thought best to double bag it. Why a fisher man? Because if I get caught I'll just say "this isn't my boat!" and act all surprised. Genius I know.

Anyway, in about an hour I'll have pictures of all the Flyers rookie's wangs and then we can post them on the internet and get rich and famous. Our fail proof plan is proving to be just that! I've even been thinking of nicknames they'll call us while lay here sweating my ass off - Ryan and Fran Perez TMZ. What do you think?

Also, operation Berube Balls was a failure. We can discuss during WarCraft tonight.