Flyers Playoff Gameday: Game 1

Tonight, the Flyers kick off their Stanley Cup run by visiting the most diabolical of arch-villains, the Pittsburgh Penguins. This is arguably the best first round match-up in either Conference and should provide to be quite entertaining. If you want a position-by-position breakdown or a butt-load of stats, head on over to an actual sports site, not our sexy blog. I could push 100 stats in your face all skewed in favor of the Flyers or the Pens, but I won't. I'm here to give you a biased look as to why the Flyers will anally rape the Penguins in the upcoming week. One thing I will say, is that these two teams are soo eerily similar in many aspects of their game, that this will be a great slugfest, with either team capable of grabbing momentum and any time, and eventually winning the series.

The O&B are going into a loud barn, a barn that they're familiar playing in. It's in a terrible city, with terrible fans. These are the people who fuck kittens, and voted for McCain. These are bandwagon jumpers. These people killed the American spirit, and are helping Al-Queda. These people are the people that told you the Santa Claus wasn't real. They are everything that's wrong with America, and if I had my way, we'd let Pittsburgh relocate to the West Virgina mountainside, where it should feel right at home. It's amazingly true that the team is dictated by the fans and vice-versa. I hate the Penguins like I hate Pittsburgh. Same thing with NY and the Newark Devils. The Penguins are a mirror image of Pittsburgh. A smug, overzealous group of losers, put together after years of ineptitude. And you know what? Pittsburgh and the Penguins probably feel the same way about me, and all of you other Flyer fans. You know how we're portrayed, and how we portray them. And our collective stereotypes versus their stereotypes is what's at stake here. We want to crush them, to beat them into their little steel-shit box they live in just as much as they want to crush us into our bullet-riddled chinstrap-bearded row-homes. And this my friends, is what makes the Playoffs so fuckin' great. It's not just a battle between two rivals, it's a battle between two ways of life. (Ours naturally, is much better, and more cheez-whiz filled)

Tonight will be intense and the Flyers will have to weather the early storm, but they can deal. This is a better team than last year's 6th seed who went deep into the Eastern Conference Finals. The regular season is over, and now the playoff "switch" has been flipped....we hope. Playing your red-headed step brother in the first round is a good test. If we can't beat the Penguins 4 times in 7 tries then what business do we have saying we should win the cup. In my opinion, I'd rather face the Pens in the first round than a conceivably "easier" team. The Pens offer a great matchup and will be a battle just to win a game against them.

One thing we can never know about is the mutherflippin' refs and how they'll call a game. One would think that come playoff time, the whistles would be silent to the more grabby-type penalties, and the rough-stuff is allowed to live. We won't be sure until we see the first few calls of Game 1. Will the refs call some shitty penalties on either team? Will they be the ones setting the tone, or will they allow the two squads to run rickshod over each other. People are quick to say "Crosby gets so many calls" and "The NHL wants the Pens to win." I've always felt that these are shitty excuses. Not even the NHL can stop a Jeff Carter wrister, or a Danny Breeze powerplay goal. That's how you beat the Pens. Not with help from the refs. I'm just looking for non-biased calls throughout the series....and 10 Claude Giroux goals.

Game 1 is always so money. These two teams don't need any extra motivation. They hate each other, and tonight is what we've waited for since August. Consider the fuel already on the fire. It'll be war...sweet sexy war. I'm so pumped I can't see straight. Let's Go Flyers.