Bring Out the Telescope for a Closer Look

The Dallas Stars are a mess right now. It's significantly worse than a team in a slump. Shit's fucked up:

- The face of the franchise, and the only player that will have his Dallas jersey retired any time soon, had this to say after his team lost 5-1 to Boston in a game where Sean Avery and Steve Ott disgraced the entire sport with their cowardice and unprofessionalism:

"Tonight, it was idiotic and stupid," Stars center Mike Modano said when asked what the team identity was. "It was one of the most embarrassing things I've seen. If that's what we're going for, then they need to find me an office job."

- Last week the Stars lost their Captain for the remainder of the season with a torn ACL. They're not going to appoint a Captain to replace him but role with three Alternate Captains for the rest of the season.

- Jerre Lehtinen is out for the remainder of the week. Not that it matters but Steve Ott is out for a month with a broken hand. Must have injured it fake dropping his gloves...

- The Stars went dumpster diving three weeks ago and picked up Mark Parrish for a litle over the league minimum. This might be the only bright spot for the club, as Parrish has 5 points in 7 games.

- Marty Turco blows this year for some reason. The Stars are one of only two teams to have reached the 70 Goals Against mark already this season. Turco has a 3.49 GAA and .872 SVP. Those are numbers that make the Devils current goaltending wonder team proud.

- The Stars just traded shitty defenseman Phillipe Boucher for possibly shittier defenseman Daryl Sydor. Both are older than VH1 Pop Up Videos and both have managed to be minus players for the Stars.

- They have Sean Avery on their team. Avery is a plague. Every where he goes, everything he touches, turns to shit. He is T.O. times 16. Even Stars fans, and probably some of his teammates, want to see someone lay the hammer down on him.

The Stars are not a team that got 97 points last season and is in a slump. They are a team that is irrevocably headed down hill. Their Captain, who was also their 2nd leading scorer last year, is out for the season. Their veteran leader and 3rd leading scorer last year is not happy. For the first time in his career he publicly bashed his own teammates. They're missing key players from last year - Hagman, Halpern, Miettinen, and Jokinen. And they replaced them with a virus in the form of the most disliked player, by opponents and teammates, in the league. Niskanen is playing like a turd in a punch bowl. Daley and Robidas are not playing strong either. Sergi Zubov, coming off an injury, is logging 30 minutes a game and is 38 years old. It's just a mess.

Now when they come out tonight they're going to give it one of those "come on boys, let's band together!" efforts for about 5 minutes. If the Flyers can get an early goal or at least weather that storm they should be able to beat these clowns like they did Atlanta last month.